What do you do if you are surrounded by 2000 Hungry cannibals? You talk to them in a calm yet determined diplomatic voice, then you become a part of them. Moral: A part of them... Forever.

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There was an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. Now there's millions of them. And women too.

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A man starts acting weird in a resturant, the waiter says "whats the problem sir?" The man says "I'm choking and I just died."

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How many apples does it take to keep the doctor away? 1 if you throw it hard enough! haha

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How did the man know he was gay? Australia is full of kangaroos

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Roses are red Violets are blue one plus one Equals two

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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If you have 5 bucks and Chuck Norris has 5 buck you both have 5 bucks

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A man copied someone else's joke on anti-joke, people looked at it and said "That's funny, but they copied it", then they moved on to the next one.

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How did 3 fat women fit under 1 small umbrella and not get wet? It wasn't raining!

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Why did the teacher's cat die? It had cat herpes and feline immunodeficiency virus

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If I could Rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and Q together.

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Why did the baby die? Because you had sex with it when it was only 1 years old.

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Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

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A dad says to his son "you better stop masturbating or youll go blind'. And the son says "dad im over here".

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Why was the boy in front of the adoption center sad? He lost his lolly-pop.

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Why did the Jewish population diminish in the '40s? Showers and Ovens

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How did freedom die in Europe? It was shot in the chest with a rifle.

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What do you call a cat with a pop tart for a body and rainbows flying out of its butt? Nyan Cat

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Q: why is there always a window in front of the kitchen sink A: so when the woman is washing the dishes she can see the grass she is about to cut

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a blind man walks into a wall

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I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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- have you heard about the guy who got the left side off the body cut off? - no. - He died

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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