Hey Eliza, thanks, while I appreciate the help, Alice is crying in a corner and refusing to get up, I wont lie, for a moment there I could "see voices and music" and valium has taken care of the ptsd (and blown most of my brain, which is nice for a change). With that said, im on 40 mg ritalin which is a lot, but I need it, besides I can handle the anxiety. I have no idea who the guy typing this is, but he is following me to the letter, so thats good enough, except his typos being worse than mine, which is pretty good for a guy that barely speaks english. Sorry Eliza, but Alice is having a breakdown here, ill talk her down a bit first, she tries to hide it, but she is far more worried about me than I am, which is nice, just not like this, ill be right back with you.

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ROSES ARE RED FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS, NO MUTUAL FRIEND, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO ADD ME ON FACEBOOK BITCH!

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knock knock? who's there Dave Come on in!!!!!

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What did the boy with AIDS, polio, one eye and one arm get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Granny porn!

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A bike

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"Why the long face?" The bartender asked. "I was born with a severe cleft palette and a jaw deformity. The surgery lets me eat and drink but my parents couldn't afford the cosmetic part of the surgery, the scarring got worse as I grew older. Can I have a beer please?" I replied.

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Why did the rapper carry an umbrella? Because it was raining.

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Why did the black man cross the road? Because he lived an worked on opposite sides of the road, and so consequently needed to cross the road to work, and provide an income for his family, so they could have fresh food, clean water, and have money to pay the bills such as the mortgage so they didnt become poor and homeless, which would inevitably lead to illness and an early death for them all.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, Who had an average-sized penis he only used during monogamous sex with his spouse.

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Two black men walk past a white man who recently hung himself from a tree. Oh the racist irony.

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A man gets hit by a car. His family is sad and plans a funeral.

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Why Cant michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he is dying of Parkinson's disease.

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What do a lamp and a elephant have in common? Big ears, except for the lamp, it doesn't have ears.

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Help i have fallen and i cannont get up Life alert life alert To bad just sit there we dont care

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It escaped.

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how do you have sex? i dont know im under age!

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How do you get a tissue to dance. You don't.

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a. get me a drink b. a would but but i got no arms

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How do you get four gay guys to sit on one barstool? It's quite difficult, it would be easier to just get 3 more barstools.

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What did the strawberry say to the elephant? Nothing. Because it's a strawberry and strawberries can't talk.

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A lobster walks up to an octopus. What does he say? Nothing. Lobsters cannot talk.

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What do you call a black guy who works at McDonald's? A worker, you racist piece of shit!

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What did Rihanna remember when she corrected Chris Browns tweets she can't remember last thing she saw was a fist

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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