How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he may forget to finish the task due to his Alzheimer's.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if someone left the gate open and you happened to be a dog.

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What did one lawyer say to the other? We are both lawyers. What did the stupid lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both pineapples.

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Andi: I have a great knock-knock joke, but you need to start it. Jake: Okay...Knock-knock! Andi: Who's there? Jake: ...

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have chlamydia, and now so do you!

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What's stupid a light bulb.

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How do you wake a clown up? By pouring vinegar in his eyes.

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The next sentence is true. The previous statement is false.

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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Q. why did the girl fall off the swing? A. Because she had no arms.

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A apple a day keeps gramar away.

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Q:What is your maturity on a scale of 1 to 100? A:69

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Q. how does james bond like his babies A.shaken not stirred but if u think thats bad wait till u see a stirred baby

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken had been running in the road's direction for some time, and continued travelling in that direction despite the road being in the way.

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whats big fat round and bounces on the ground? a ball and your mum

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Why did the pedophile cross the road? To molest a child.

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A man walks in to a bar with a frog stapled to his head. The bar tender says What the heck is that. The frog says I don't know this thing has been coming out of my but for two days

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What do you call a guy with an axe in his head? Chuck

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Why was the prostitute's throat sore? Allergies.

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Dude, you were so drunk last night that you got in a terrible car accident, and now you are paralyzed from the waste down for life.

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What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson? Spelling.

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i've got a little something for you. in fact it's so small you can't see it. it's called spermatazoa

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What's black and at the top of a burning building? A paraplegic

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why didn't the Asian ask for a calculator cause he was doing the dishes and a calculator seemed inappropriate

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops