I dont think i could ever stab someone, I can barely get a straw through a capri sun

Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

Q: What happens when Lisa drops an iPad? A: She plays Desperado on the sax.

Wanna know what I don't get? I was gonna say yo face, but that would be mean.

knock knock who's there Bob I don't know you Bob and if you don't get off my porch this minute i'm calling the authorities.

What happens when a truck full of mexicans and a truck full of aisians collide? They all die.

How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You take a survey of all citizens that live in the country of Mexico, find the wealth of each individual person, and whoever has the most money is the richest person in Mexico.

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

there are three types of people in this world, those who can't count, and those who can. STFU, you corny loser

Q: why did the little boy fall off the swing? A: He had no arms Q: Why couldn't he get up? A: He died when he hit the ground

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

what is the difference between a white woman and a black woman.. i raped the black one

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

What did the Colombian say to the Peruvian? Quieres lleyo?

What did the minority say to the white person? Aboobasashagaboogly. He was uneducated, along with the other minorities in the world.

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q2: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A2: It was nailed to the first one. Q3: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A3: Peer pressure.

Ask me if i'm a tree. Are you a tree? No. okay? Why did the chicken cross the road? why? because its motor skills allowed it to cross. dude, seriously? What did Jimmy's grandmother get him for Christmas? What?. Nothing she died two years ago. that's horrible. When did she die? On his birthday. Dude, stop! Wait how did she die? Fine, How? She was driving down the road and swerved to miss a chicken. oh. And what did she hit? UGGG What? Thankfully not me. because I wasn't the tree. :0 oooooooooooooh

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy launched a flare. Nobody came.

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall. 10 minutes into the song one man succumbs to alcohol poisoning.

What did the gay man receive for christmas? AIDS

What's the sexiest thing on a farm? It depends on what you find sexy, and your personal perception of a farm.

Two men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

What has three legs, one eye, and is green and fuzzy. I don't know. Me either.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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