Im sitting in class trying to write a joke. I should be writing my speech But i'm better off trying to think of the funniest joke that could get on the front page with over 9000 likes :( Lol nah thats never going to happen :'(

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What do you do when your wife is about have a baby? Throw her off the balcony go into parking lot and reach into her mouth if you feel a leg stab her in the belly button untill her intestines are coming out and burn the body singing Elmo's world

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A blond, a brunet, and a red head jumped off a bridge. Which one hit the ground first? In order to solve this problem you would first need to figure out witch of the three had more of a body mass. Then you would need to calculate the accretion in case one brought along a cow. However, in the end the outcome is always the same: 3 dead bodies on impact and 3 mourning families.

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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A carpenter walks into a bar. After ordering some wine he tells the bartender that one of his 12 friends will betray him. He also says that once he was captured, the government will execute him on a wooden cross for everyone to see. The bartender in disbelief says to the man "You gotta be kiddin' me, do you think you're Jesus or something?" The man throws his glass of wine to the floor, grabs the bartender by his collar, and says "Hey man, I ordered red wine, not white wine you bastard!" After a few minutes, a group of nurses escort the insane loon back to the mental clinic. The bartender never saw the man again and proceeds to sweep that mess the psycho left on the floor.

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There was a chicken. It squarked.

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How are grapes and squirrels similar? They're both purple. Except for the squirrel.

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The feds ruined the first underground, so in order for this to not happen you joined them?

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among liedbtt is my Captcha code

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jews

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What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? They all gone.

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Q: Did you know Hellen Kellers father was a skilled craftsman? A: Neiter did she.

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When is the best time to wear a striped sweater? All the time.

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What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

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what did the duck say to the other duck Quack

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Why did the blond cross the road? The police officer who arrested her for shoplifting parked his car on the other side of the street.

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how many members of the australian greens party does it take to write legislation? none, it's already been done for them by Karl Marx

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What do you call a Jew talking on a cellphone ? Well one should mind his/her business and shouldn't call people names and discriminate against them on religious or ethnic grounds .

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how many black people can you fit in a car? However many sets there are.

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Why was the black person sent to the back of the bus? All of the front and middle seats were taken.

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Why can't the man get a good jod? Because he did not go to college and there for did not get a good education.

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Yo mama's so fat that when she went to go get an x-ray, they had to use the one they have at the zoo.

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Why is a duck? Because one leg is both the same.

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my friend died in a car crash, now i have no friends.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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