Everybody love food when they are hungry

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why can't Michael Jackson bake a pie???? Because he's dead

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a man touches girls butt ...... she sharts her pants

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do you know what happened to the bravest warrior in the battle who got stabbed in the foot while trying to rescue puppies from a burning building and dying children? well he took the children and puppies home, and ate them. then the SWAT came in and killed him. so yeah... oh... suck my a s s barf

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... Knock knock. ... The FedEx man leaves, realizing that no one was home, and continues on with his job.

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What did the single woman get for Christmas? Raped.

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why was the black man scared of cats ? Because a gang of cats ate his family

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Why was the Asian terrible at driving? He was drunk.

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Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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What is the similarity between Moses and Muhammad? They both have the same letter starting their names

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Two black guys walk into a bar the bartender says get out

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What did the monkey say to the newlywed couple? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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did you know helen keller had a dog? neither did she....

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star wars kid

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Why did John get hard? He froze to death

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre.

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Parents were talking about a particular whore house and tries to keep it secret to their son. Father: Bob and I saw the house near the river, its a whore house full of prostitutes. Mother: Shhh! Our son is listening. The Son enters the room. Son: Don't mind me, I know that area. Both parents were angry: So you've been there!? Don't deny, you know! Son: Just because I know doesn't mean I've been there. I know the moon has less gravity but I haven't been there.

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Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

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A manly man drives up in a yellow bug, What do the girls think? They think its very manly! (;

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Why did the fat girl stop eating? She wasn't hungry.

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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. But it wasn't actually getting bigger, it was just getting closer. So I got hit in the face.

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How did the man die? He was killed alive.

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What's a vampire's favorite dessert? Vampire's don't exist What's Helen Keller's favorite dessert? Helen Keller doesn't exist

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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