Did you hear the one about Steven Hawking into a bar? I havn't either, but its probably a hoot.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

why did miles cross the road? Because hes gay

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why do birds fly South in the winter? Warmer, better food sources and therefore greater chance of survival.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: Why did Timmy cry? A: You would too if you had your arm cut off

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Do you know what's the sexiest thing in the world? Sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What is big, hard, and bushy? My Penis. I lied about it being bushy.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A 14 year girl enjoys exploring the sexual regions of her body, whilst having one of her intimate sessions her brother walks into her room. Her brother was a rather sexual 17 year old, who has had sex with several different girls, and is not afraid to try new things. the brother says " get a room to his sister... oh wait" and walks out

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A Blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where hiding from the police They were all shot and all died because they were playing Grand Theft Auto 5

thumb_up thumb_down -5

When life gives you lemons, you must also have a proportionally sufficient amount of both water and sugar in order to make lemonade.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: What do a hockey coach and a bar stool have in common? A: because seven ATE nine

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Twelve people are in a plane. One of them says: "Man, we really are not so many in this plane" Another one replies: "It's because it's a 12 seats plane." Another says: "Do 12 seats planes even exist?" Another one answers: "Of course they do." Another person says: "Guys, are we even flying?" Someone says: "I don't know" Another says: "Yes, we're flying, look out the window." Another says: "I have cancer." Someone reacts: "Oh, I'm really sorry for you" Another: "Yes, me too" Someone adds: "It's really terrible" Another says: "Has science made any progress recently?" The plane crashes.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the jew cross the road Because he was being cornered by 10 nazis that had automatic guns

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? Lawyers exist, are alive and despite all claims to the contrary, can withstand sunlight, garlic and the sign of the cross. They also have reflections and whilst they may eat black pudding from time to time they don't depend on blood as a source of nutrition.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you get a black man out of his house? you ring the doorbell.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man has a parrot who repeats everything the man says. He constantly complains about his mother-in-law and everytime he says her name it follows with the word bitch. One day she makes a suprise visit and he greets her with a "Oh hello Doris" , he looks in horror to see if the parrot will call her a bitch but instead finds the parrot dead because he forgot to feed it for 4 days.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a terrible ship crash that leaves them stranded on a desert island. All of their survival supplies sank with the boat so they don't last very long.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" The parrot was his fathers. Do to severe mental and physical illness, he can no longer take care of it. He asked his son to take it, those were his last words as he slipped into a coma

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus? Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of african decent to sit in towards the front of a bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of european decent.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

would you rather harry styles my dick have harry styles suck my dick or both of you style on my harry dick?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why was 6 afraid of seven? It isn't numbers are not sentiment objects therefore incapable of feeling fear

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did peter griffin say to the black guy? Oh you are black.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being brutally murdered as you are watching your guts spilling out of your body

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Knock knock. Who's there? Josh. Lettuce who? I didn't say "lettuce"... I said Josh.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops