A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw some pandas spooning.

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An amputee walks into a bar with a big smile on his face and sits down. The bartender looks over at him and asks "So why are you so happy?" The amputee doesn't answer because he has been completely deaf, blind and mute since birth.

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A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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Happy Birthday! Your mom is dead!

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A blind man walked into a bar and got a beer and got drunk and went on a rampage and killed YOUR MOM

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What did one wardrobe say to another wardrobe? Clothes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? We can never be truly sure of the chicken's real purpose, but given the circumstances of the surroundings, the story has it that the purpose of the chicken was to physically move to the other side of said road.

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A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The Holocaust.

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One day there was 2 black guys in hoodys with knives in there hand. They tapped me on the shoulder and took my groceries. They then made me a jam sandwich and went on there way

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THis guy went into the bathroom with a girl in the middle of party and they started having sex but then the guy has to pee so he does... and then he leaves the bathroom and goes back to the party

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Alan: My Grandfather was in the SS and has a leather jacket made jews he killed. Me: Really? Alan: No, i'm korean. My grandfather wouldnt be allowed into the SS.

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What's black, white, and red all over?? A penguin that just got hit by a truck and is now struggling to live.

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What's Blue And Fat? A Brick. I like to lie a lot.

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Why couldn't Jimmy wash his hair? He has leukemia and therefore no longer has hair.

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What succeeds most of the time? The population of a field with grass.

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"What's wrong?" "I can't fap." "Why not?" "Because I saw your face."

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What happened to the little girl who fell into the lake? She was rescued and made a complete recovery.

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Why did the girl have an abortion? Because she wanted a burger.

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What did the lawyer name his daughter? Amanda.

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I man was taking a major shiit He forgot to wipe

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A bar walks into a man

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Why was the man running? He needed to get somewhere fast.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops