Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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did you hear about the circus fire? it was tragic and hundreds of people were killed.

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A man fell in a hole. He's dead now...

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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How do you get five black men in a car? You offer them a good deal, then show them the car fax.

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Knock-Knock Come in! ...

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What do you do if you walk outside and see your t.v. floating in the lawn in the middle of the night? Go back inside.

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Matthew Baker

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs, lying outside of your house? An ambulance, he's clearly in trouble.

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Q: What's blue and fuzzy? A: Blue fuzz

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An SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables and asks if it can join them.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's blind and deaf.

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How do you piss off a blind person? Tell him to piss in a round room.

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What time is it when an elephant jumps over your fence? Actually, elephants don't jump.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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What's worse than eating spinach? Dying.

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Yo mama so fat......Hiroshima.

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how do u stop a cat from peeing on the floor? Kill it... haha

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What did the monk give to the cancer patient? His love and reassurance.

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When life gives you a pack of Kools, make Kool-Aid.

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I HATE GEORGE LOPEZ

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What do you call a black pilot? A pilot, you racist.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally, she has no arms.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops