What's long, hard, and contains semen? A submarine.

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The man decides to jump off the bridge and decides to make one last phone call. "Hello, Jane, this is Doug. I just wanted to let you know, from the bottom of my heart, that I love you." Person on the phone says "This is not Jane, this is Joe." "Oh, hi, Joe. Could you just tell your wife what I said. Bye." The man continues to jump down the bridge and swims with his beautiful girlfriend. They all had a great day.

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what do you call a black man in a police car? either officer or offender, depending on what role he has in the crime.

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Why didn't Sammy Robertson make the world series catch to win the series in 1977? Because Sam, like many many discouraged teens in America, didn't follow his life long dream and later became a janitor at his hometown middle-school.

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How do you have fun while stuck in traffic? Play bumper cars!

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how do u have sex with a really hot girl who is not interested in you? Rape her in a dark ally

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A little boy walks up to his father and asks his father to explain the birds and bees. The father then proceeds to rape the little boy.

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a black person was walking into his home. good thing balls like apple juice and Miley Cyrus was keeping guard with her sword.

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what did the bear say to the fish? Nothing he eat it

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Jack just got his new yellow bicycle. His dad got it for his 12th anniversary. Jack was ecstatic to ride it down his street for the first time. He immediately called his friends Paul and Erick and went for his first ride. The neighbors were in AWE when they saw Jack taking off on his new ride. That day the three friends had one of the best day of their young lives, they went up to the lake, had some peanut ice cream and made fun of Alexia. Jack was in love with his new bike and euphoric that they were reunited and did all their favorite things with an incredible amount of passion. Erick hated his new bike.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Xiao Kaan Xiao kaan who? Fu*k you ugly lauuhhh

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and an Orca Whale walk into a local eatery to discuss what is on their mind. The Priest says he is proud that even though their community is comprised of people residing in many different religions, they still work together to strive for a better tomorrow. The Rabbi nods his head in agreement,he states that he is proud of all the hard working men in their community that are willing to make sacrifices for the needy. The Orca Whale also nods in agreement and pauses for a moment to think while he insight-fully gleams at his two other friends. The Mighty Orca Whale then contributes to the conversation by saying eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrr!

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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"I see" said the blind man to the deaf man... On the phone

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so today, i was walking along, and i noticed that it was sunny outside.

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Nero, I mean it, I want you and your wife to have 15 million dollars, it wont buy you the happiness you seek, but it helps no?

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Roses are red Violets are blue You're a whore

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Q: How many chicken nuggets can fit into an olympic size swimming pool? A: 8,563,690,152... Corndogs

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I told a priest that I would never believe in anything greater than myself. He said I had the God complex, that I was grandios. I stared him in the eye and asked, "how highly do you think of me? Thank you" and left.

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Why did the little boy wipe his face with a towel? It was covered with his dog's blood after getting hit by a bus.

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why was the man scared of the tree because it was shady

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What do you get when you cross a man, with Alzheimers disease?

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Q: What do you call a man with a spade in his head? A: An ambulance.

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How did the Mexican get into the united States of America? He was an american citizen, just of mexican descent.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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