why couldn't the girl watch t.v? Because her house burned down

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You had better thumbs up this post.

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Why didn't Jimmy go to school? Because Jimmy is a brick wall.

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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UN

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Your mamas so fat, she was self-conscious about her weight and became an antisocial vegetable.

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pudding

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Bitch your as two-faced as Doduo

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Relax, it simply would not be working out for you if your mother was nearby, you see, the subconcious is limited by the concious mind, so if your subconcious can detect your mother (or anyone but me nearby) your conscious mind goes "uh oh" and it stops. Oh, right, and considering you can still type, how about we increase the effect into... I dunno, six billion? Yeah six billion. Anyway, the next time you want to experience it, just poke your nose, and since we do not want you to poke your nose off, you only do it once and you can yourself decide when it ends, at this level you should not be able to type, but if you want to type you can of course turn it off.

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What did the fat guy say after his weight-reduction surgery? I'm gonna sue the clown pants out of McDonalds

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A priest walks into a drug den, most people would say this is pretty contradictory to his implied beliefs.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Potatoes. Potatoes who? Garlic salt.

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What is orange and annoying? A purple potato.

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Is your daddy a thief? Because he stole my wallet.

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YOU-why did the airplane crash? (person): why? YOU-Because jimmy was flying it. (person): Who is jimmy? YOU- a fish.

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What's the difference between you and a bucket full of shit? The bucket...

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life is a barrel of tomatoes...unless you paint them blue.

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What do you get when you come across a duck and a moose? Nothing...What do you think you deserve a prize or something?

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who are the worlds fastest readers? the people who jumped on 911 cause they read 48 stories in 10 seconds

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Whats funnier than 1 dead baby? 2 Dead babies

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How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? 1

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Q: how do you make a clean naz dance? A: put a lil boogy in it? NOOO SUCK IT!!!

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a duck wanted grapes. he didnt get any

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Why did the dyslexic chicken cross the toad? Because the toad mocked his dyslexia, and the chicken does not tolerate rude bastard toads.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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