How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

thumb_up thumb_down +26

yo mama is so ugly she walked by a mirror and looked at her reflection cuz thats what mirrors do

thumb_up thumb_down +26

why did nick kiss esther because he cheated

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Did you know that onions is the only food that makes you cry? Oh? Really? Positive. what if I threw a coconut at you're face. ...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding worms in your stool.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A blonde dies Lololol

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you burn Lebron James's house? With fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why'd the girl drop her lollipop? She got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A duck walks into a bar *************************** Later that day the homeless man had duck for dinner.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Knock Knock. Who's there? William. William who? You friend...William...you invited me over.. Can I come in?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do Native Indians and Asian Indians have in common? They're both human.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the squirrel fall out the tree? It was dead Why did the second squirrel fall out the tree? It was stapled to the first squirrel Why did the the third squirrel fall out the tree? Peer pressure Why did the fourth squirrel fall out the tree? It thought it was a game Why did the tree fall over? It thought it was a squirrel Why did the postman die? He got hit in the head by four squirrels and a tree

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I started writing poetry the other day: POETR That's coming along nicely.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why Is Six Afraid of Seven? because he is black.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Neither have I

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How do you piss off a gypsy? Curse at him

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the black guy stop his car? There was a stop sign

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats Better Than an Anti Joke? sex...

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what's worse than finding a worm in your apple? finding two worms in your apple

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops