why did the chef go to jail? because he was caught beating an egg

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What would George Washington do if he was alive today? Scream and scrach at the top of his coffin.

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What happened to Kim when she went swimming? She didn't, she doesn't know how to swim.

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Once there was two fish in a tank, and one said "how do you drive this thing?".

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What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler? Michael Phelps can finish a race.

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A girl walks into a bar she is then drugged, raped and left in a back alley. To this day she still has psychological issues that are directly related to this event

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What did one terrorist say to another? You first.

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Want to hear a joke about Potassium? So do I.

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Why did the motorcyclist die? I heard he was sat on by Chuck Norris.

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How long does it take to cook a baby in the microwave? I don't know, I was too busy jacking off.

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Jimmy: Knock, knock, Grandmother: Who's there? Jimmy: Jimmy Grandmother: Jimmy who? And then Jimmy held back tears as he knew grandmother's Alzheimer's disease was getting worse.

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What do you call a black man with a knife and red liquid on his hands? A chef who accidently spilled strawberry jam on himself.

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what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms.

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what did the kid say when pee-wee was about to rape him ...huh just make it quick

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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a young mother calf named near reality was milking itself and selling it at pathmark everyday for high prices he got a lot of money out of it and bought a big mansion where he also had a farm and collected prize show cows to show off to all of his cow friends.... he also bought gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons and gallons of prize show cow milk to drink to and build up energy for the cow show race coming up in the near fall. Every sunset he buys loads of milk to drink and feed his plants with. He plants lots of grass every day to eat and produce high quality milk goods. He was a wii, ps3, and xbox360 to play everyday and excercise his udder milk.

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Why doesnt Mexico have a navy? Because cardboard doesnt float.

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Chuck Norris can watch TV.

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What did one duck say to the other? "Quack!"

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Why did the white man accuse the black man of stealing his wallet? Because they were the only two men in the room at the time of the theft

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Wanna hear a Harry Potter joke? Knock Knock Who's there? You know You know who?

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? It doesn't matter because the deaf man couldn't hear him.

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What did the man say to the man? Awkward.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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