What did the 80 year old man do to celebrate valentines day with his wife? Nothing, Alzheimer's made him forget about Valentines day.....and that he was married. What did his wife do for Valentines day? Killed herself.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If pro is the opposite of con what's the opposite of progress? Retrogression.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats purple and attacks like a bear? a purple bear

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what would you watch during a scary movie? anything you want.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A horse walks into a bar Barman: Why the long face? Horse: just had a stroke

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? She's a woman

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A Hispanic was walking down the street, he turned left and was at his house.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

One fish... Two fish... Red fish... I have AIDs

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock knock. Who's there- oh wait, I don't care. Get away from my house or I am going to call the police.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why doesnt your dad like barrack Obama? because your dad is straight, hes not into men

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the fat kid get for chirstmas? diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably because it saw some food, or because it felt threatened on the side of the road it was already on.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How did i get from Pakistan to Iraq Iran

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Sex

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walked into a house, He never came back out as he fell down the stairs and snapped his neck, His family mourn him everyday.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black man a white man and an asian man walk into a bar have a few drinks and on thier drive home run over a three year old little girl and here to month old sister and they go to prison for the rest of thier lives (they shouldn't of let the asian drive)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

One day, a small bald man was walking up the street, when her saw a large red porche, extremely grand, and the door was wide open. He walked over and inspected the open door, and to his surprise, the keys were in place by the steering wheel. He was a good man, with a loving wife and two teenage children, and he had no intention of steeling the vehicle. But astonished by the owner lack of protection, he hopped into the car and drove it around the block, just for the thrill of riding such an amazing car. Around 30 seconds after, he parked the car, got out, leaving the car in the same place, with the door open and the keys in, then he walked home and lived the rest of his life.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

The morning of her 16th birthday, April's parents presented her with a young racehorse named Bolt. Bolt was energetic and strong the first two days, easily trotting around their 4 acre estate, but the following morning, when April went out to bring Bolt his breakfast, she found him leaning on his stable, head down, slowly rolling side to side. Upon seeing her newfound friend in distress, she promptly asked, "Are you okay Bolt? Why the long face?" Soon after, April realized that she had made a clever pun and grinned childishly. April's glory was short lived however, when Bolt suddenly collapsed due to an aortic aneurysm. Having spent most of their retirement on this racehorse, April's parents sold the ranch and moved into a retirement home, disgracing their daughter for not taking care of their steed. April, believing herself to be the culprit for Bolt's death, later committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers, Delphiniums are also blue.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Linda: See that rainbow? Isn't it beautiful? Bart: I'm color blind.... Linda: Well...this is awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What was so sad about the white woman who dropped her Starbucks? It fell on her baby in a nearby stroller giving it third degree burns, disfiguring its face.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops