Bear walks into bar and says to eagle may I have a................... drink eagle says why the long pause hohahahohahahohaha

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why was the toddler sad? he was diagnosed with cancer after his dog was put down because it raped and murdered his parents

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the boy get for his birthday? Older.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why can't Scrillex fish? Because He is too busy to practice fishing.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Did you know that in the country of Nigeria, every minute, 60 second passes?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I need to start studying.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet And this poem sucks

thumb_up thumb_down +11

"I see," said the deaf man, to the blind man, who had no ears.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Welcome to Horsehead! 1. Our servers are derpy right now, do yourself a favor and never come back, oh yes they are gonna be derpy right then too! 2. THIS IS MY WORLD PEOPLE MYYYYY WOOOOOOOORLD!... ...Ps: My world sucks. 3. Antijokes 30000 per day, other stuff, Zero. (30000 by me) 4. You: People better like me because I dont like myself. Me: I like myself FUCK PEOPLE! FUCK YOU! (thats me on horsehead) welcome to die! 5. IRIS... IRIS! WHAT AM I TYPING FOOOOOOOOOOOOR!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman come across a magic slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Englishman slides down screaming "SILVER!", and lands in a heap of silver at the bottom. The Scotsman takes his turn, and shouts "WEEEE!" as he slides down. He gets up and realises what a needless waste of a wish his enjoyment cost him.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

You know whats worse than an anti-joke? Practically Anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man walks into a bar. It's a fine establishment. He orders a couple of beers and takes a cab home like a responsible man would. He is then killed with a croquet mallet.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

how did the guy in the wheelchair cross the road he didnt he got dragged down the street cause his chair was hooked to the bus

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When the tsunami hit in 2004, christians worldwide prayed for the victims. it didnt help

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Are you kidding? If you can slow down time when stressed, then that means that your perception of time is, well... Oh relative, but still wow! What about now though? Can you do it? And for curiosity`s sake, what if you jumped off a roof? Would the stress make it all really slow?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Man walks into Malaysian Airlines "Hey, can I have the next flight to--" "This is our only policy! You pay the fare we pick the where."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you fit an elephant into a car? You can't. Unless it's a baby elephant. You would probably also need a convertible with the top down.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why did the 11 year old boy stick his hand in a lawnmower nobody knows he hasnt come out of the coma yet

thumb_up thumb_down +11

there was once a jew

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I took a vampire out for dinner last night. I expected her to cringe when I ordered a rare steak, but we decided not to let my tastes impact on the evening, sharing wine and many stories before heading back to my apartment.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did Santa Claus say to the young boy on Christmas Day? Santa Claus is a myth, that was actually a pedophile.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why was six afraid of seven? because seven threatened to kill him and his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops