Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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What's the difference between a melon? One of its halves are both the same.

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Penis.

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Knock, Knock. Come in!

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How do you unload a truck full of dead babies? With a pitch fork.

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The only positive thing in my life, is the HIV test! Lymmel

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Why can't helen Keller read? She's dead.

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A woman wears a dress.

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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What's red, white and blue? You're mother on her period after she had sex. I don't know where the blue came from.

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Superman vs Batman real fight: Batman: Hmm I believe that Superman might want to fight m*squish* Batman explodes in a bunch of meat as a blue and red blur is seen fly by. Extended Edition: Batman: Hah Superman I got kryptonite gloves so if you would just stand close to them for about five minute...*squish* Batsack of meat left we see nothing because Superman is FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET. They are probably gonna go like every fucking crossover, first they squabble and throw a few punches for five minutes, then they realize that the LAX LADDER LEX LUGER AND LEX LUTHOR brothers made up some fake story so sups and bts kill each other while they blow up the world, so Btz, and Soup end up beating them up... Moral: "PFF! BATMAN HAS BEATEN UP SUPERMAN AND THE HULK IN THOUSANDS OF SHlTTY NON CANON STORIES!" (In where the one with the Hulk described the hulk to have the instincts and combat skills of a "dumb, animal like confused ape" yes actual quote, Batman punched this confused green ape across a door and kept beating "The Hulk" up as he ran around in "animalistic fear and "rage" receiving random kicks by Batman, then Btz throws some capsule that turns into a fishbowl with no oxygen that chokes The Hulk (supposedly to death) in a few seconds... The Hulk can like hold his breath for YEARS in space, (but you know these lethal fishbowls)

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Roses are, blue, Violets are red, Screw poetic forms, I wish you were dead

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What do you get when you cross a cow with an elephant? A deformed organism

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What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Nothing, it is impossible to mix 2 different animals

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? It varies. Alzheimer's is a very slow progressing disease, and many people suffering from it are capable of a wide variety of a number of everyday activities.

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Two men walked into a bar. I'm surprised the second man did not duck out of the way.

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What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys. The owner of a basketball team

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hey did you hear about Osama bin laden? He was found by the CIA and killed on account of his atrocious actions.

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So Nero, do we tell people your comments are all containing codes and stuff so we can stay in touch?

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What do you get when you reverse Zelda's Lullaby ? Skyward Sword's theme.

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Why did the guy lie down? He was dead.

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How many dead babies can fit in the trunk of my car? Seven.

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why did jim die? he had cancer why did jim have no hair? it started to fall out when he was 20 and now he is bald at 30 years old

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your mums so fat! "last time i heard that i fell of my dinosaur!!" Oh man are you ok?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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