Q: why did suzie fall out of the swing? A: because she was a pinecone

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the woman do when her husband told her to make him a sandwich? She made him a sandwich promptly.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the boy sharpen his pencil it was dull

thumb_up thumb_down -7

whats long, hairy, and has one eye? my cat fluffy, he has cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

An abortionist secretly fancies himself pro life, with reservations. Overwhelmed, and utterly fed up, with the burden of carrying on the family business, he aborts himself. Although he was only 46, his frail mother was nevertheless proud of his decision to succeed where she had failed 46 years ealier.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man walks into a bar, Esept it wasn't a bar and he was running.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A man walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why can't Amy ride on the rollercoaster? Because she's under the height limit.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the black man have sex with the white woman? Because they were married.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A jew, a catholic, and a muslim walk into a bar. Within minutes, they begin to argue about religion. After a few hours of intense debate, all three left dissatisfied and upset.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the student go to university? To pursue a higher education.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When time is the best time to make a wish during the day? 9:11

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Getting AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A Blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where hiding from the police They were all shot and all died because they were playing Grand Theft Auto 5

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How can a chicken be dirty? It can be covered in dirt!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

i have alzheimer's, so i forgot the punchline to this joke

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Two guys jump off a cliff... the third guy calls an ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

what's funny about war? nothing!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Nothing if you heard a loud sound or something that was me dropping the phone, by accident, its busted, I will call you when and if all of your "facts" turn out to be true, Hey, had no idea my doppelganger would be so down to earth by the way, so I am sleepy, what about you?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you do if you see a man on the street with a pineapple up his bum? Take him to the hospital to have the pineapple removed professionally. It could be potentially dangerous for his health.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the black man begin to cry when his friend aimed a gun at a watermelon? Because if he were to shoot it would be a waste of perfectly good food.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the baby die, because he got herpes, so did his mother, there both dead now.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops