How do you make a Jew cry? You kill all of their friends and family members.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the road was clear of oncoming traffic.

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Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

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Why did the irishman go to the bar? because he was a designated driver and was picking up his friend.

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So in Jimmy's school if u are misbehaving u are asked to get out of the room. Jimmy was in science, and he was throwing paper a bunch. Then his science teacher says, "Jimmy, do u wanna go out?" Jimmy replies "No thanks, I'm 14 and i have a girlfriend." That's how Jimmy got detention.

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why did the asain hate his life he didn't he was living a good life with large amounts of money with a very hot wife

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There was a baby, and it wouldnt stop crying. So the mom shook it and shook it. Then it stopped crying.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Provolone

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black people - basketball rednecks- nascar mexicans- soccer asians- uuuuuh I don't know can i get a hint

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Knock Knock -Who's there I eat mipe -I eat mipewho hahahah -Oh I'm gonna beat your ass

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Roses are red, violets are blue, your hair smells nice, especially when woven into a sweater.

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Roses are red, tires are black, why is your chest as flat as your back!

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What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman is a fictional superhero and a black man is an ordinary man of African descent.

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How do you kill a blonde? Cut off the bloodflow to their vital organs.

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What do you call a man who has a camera? a cameraman

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What did the farmer say when he lost his truck? Wheres my truck?

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Why did the fridge fall off its bike? Because someone threw a little girl at it.

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you know whats funny the letter Q

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What did the homeless man do with his trolley full of aluminium cans, He took them to the scrapyard and sold them as this is his only source of income right now

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How do you drown a blonde? Tie a cinderblock to her foot and throw her in water.

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Q: What do you call a Deer with no eyes? A: No ideer. Q; What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? A: Still no ideer.

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John is typing... *2 seconds later" John: Hi

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What's similar about a fish and an eagle? They can both fly, except for the fish.

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An epileptic man attends a rave.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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