From the makers of Call of Duty 1, comes Call of Duty 2.

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Why is it impossible to travel faster than the speed of light? Because it travels pretty darn fast.

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Who's Italian and plays with a peach? Mario

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A nugget

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to see the CN tower. He was then hit by a fridge dropped by people running tests on the top floor.

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why did the girl fall down someone threw four monkeys and a refrigerator at her

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knock, knock... no one replies and it becomes obvious that no one is in the house.

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What's green and has wheels? PAIN!!! I lied about the green and the wheels.

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You know what they called Obama in highschool? Nigge*

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what's brown and sticky? A stick

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, as I wasn't there, and frankly I wonder why a chicken was anywhere near a road anyway

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Penisland

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"knock knock" "whos there?" there was no response from the other side but the knocking continued, the homeowner felt distressed so phoned the police...

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ow

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Why did the man poop his pants. becuase he had to poop.

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What do you call a blind person? Mack Despard

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Why was the kid crying? Cause he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What's the difference between a rabbit and a Rabbi? Rabbits are of the family Leporidea, whereas Rabbi's are Jewish.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a Jew. The elephant has elephant cancer.

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How do you make someone to go away from you? You rape them How do you get santa to not give you presents anymore? You rape him How do you get the easter bunny to stop coming to your house? Friend: you rape him? No, you ask him politly to leave.

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My pet rock died.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz 7 8 9

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Roses are red, my name is Dave. This poem makes no sense, microwave

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops