Hi

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A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What would be the consequence of a terrorist detonating a 500 kT nuclear bomb in Manhattan? A ridiculous question. All enriched uranium in Pakistan is safe and out of reach of terrorists, their govt. has assured. Please ask about realistic scenarios next time.

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Why doesn't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead

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A mexican and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving? The chauffer, they are both rich business men.

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Q: What did William Wallace say to Beyonce after Taylor Swift's performance? A: Nothing, because William Wallace has been dead for some time now.

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Why does Marcus keep playing dumb games instead of doing his goelogy. No one knows.

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Jews...

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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How many Polish people does it take to screw in a light bulb? My dad is dead.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is black.

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What do you do when a elephant is sitting on your fence? You hit it with a fridge

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knock knock who's there? bell bell who? bellend

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I was in the middle of downloading a porno of two hot girls getting it on, my computer got a virus and crashed.

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What do old people really like? Anal sex.

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I've got a fever and the only cure is ibuprofen.

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The King stands next to a pole. The King goes away, the pole stays there.

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What's the difference between dead babies and ferraris? I don't have 17 ferraris in my garage.

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There are two people in this world; people who finish their sentences and people who

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What do call a black piano player? A pianist.

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Do you know what does Wikipedia says about Elton John ? It says that Sir Elton Hercules John, CBE (born Reginald Kenneth Dwight; 25 March 1947) is an English singer-songwriter, composer and pianist. He has worked with his songwriting partner Bernie Taupin since 1967; they have collaborated on more than 30 albums to date.

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Q: Whats the difference between a guitar and a piece of ham? A: You can eat a piece of ham.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Actually 6 wasn't afraid of 7 because numbers have are not living things, therefore have no consciousness or emotions, meaning that numerical digits can not have a fear or be afraid of another number.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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