What sound does a childs head make in a vice? I don't know, I was too busy wanking.

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Why did the New York Times cancel Otis Redding's subscription? Because he died.

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Knock knock Who's there? I eat myp.

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Whats green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A golf course

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your mama is so greasy she should go take a bath

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Kid: knock knock Orphan: whos there? Kid: not your parents

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What did the martian say to the other martian when he saw a fire hydrant? "Hey look, I found a fire hydrant!"

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What's sad about three black men driving over a cliff?

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If a quiz is a quizzical what is a test? A testicle

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Oh yeah? Well you're as gay as this joke!

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how do you make a cat blink? strike him with a hammer.

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Q: How much does it cost to have 50cent and Nickleback perform together? A: 45 cents, because its 50 cents, and you get a nickle back

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What lumpy and pointy? A horny woman with breast cancer

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Why did the boy only have one arm? tigers make terrible pets

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What did the hobo say while giving birth? bob come over here and hold my third leg for me??

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What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when the elephants were coming? Here come the elephants! What did Jane say when the elephants were coming? Here come the plums! (She was color blind.)

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One day, a mother was speaking with her daughters. "Mommy," the first one said, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we brought you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second daughter said, "Why did you name me Rose?" ""Because when we brought you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMBWWAAAAGGGH!" the last daughter cried. She was born with severe special needs and is incapable of coherent speech.

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Intercourse.

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What battle did Napoleon die in? His last one.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven looked angry and had a gun.

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How are trees and friends alike? They are both subject to fall when struck with an axe.

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What did OJ Simpson say to the blonde? "Don't worry, I'm not going to murder you"

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Why did John kill Maris? Because Maris killed his family.

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While I was walking home from school one day, James Brown jumped out of a bush and punched me in the face. Then, when I got home, there was a walrus sitting on my couch. He then turned to look at me and said, "Penis". I then immediately farted out blades of grass.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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