When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world as they wonder how you did it

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A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar and the barman asks "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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What's worse than getting Ebola? Nothing

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A large man goes into a restaurant and places his order The waiter asks if he would like the weight watchers menu He says no because he doesnt care about his weight

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Why did the lights turn off? Because I turned them off.

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Give me thumbs up!

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing, animals are in capable of formal cumunication.

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Are you gay? No. Ok.

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What did the iceberg say when Titanic crashed on it? "Yeah!"

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there is a mexican and a black guy in the back of a car, who is driving? The cop

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What do potatoes wear to bed? Potatoes don't sleep and don't wear clothes.

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How many Jews can you fit in an ashtray? None

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What did the black guy do to his neighbor's car while he was away? Wash it for a for as a favor.

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Knock Knock whose there YOUR MOM

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What happened when the white man saw a black man running with a purse? He called the police. The police proceeded to chase the black man down tackling him into a dumpster, causing permanent spinal damage. Upon investigation into the situation, the black man was deaf and he was bringing the purse, which contained an epi-pen, to his dying wife a block away. The police officers involved were fired and sued by the family, ruining their lives. Months later they both committed suicide.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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I had sex with my mother in law

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a hobo begs and begs for a dollar to buy something. a man finally gives him a dollar. what does the hobo buy? nothing. he walked into 711 and got shot.

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Why are there no swimming pools in Mexico? The average yearly income is $3,523, and pool chemicals are very expensive.

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knock, knock! No answer, they probably can't hear you, use the doorbell.

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knock knock Who's there? ... Hello?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun, Get in the van.

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What's silent but deadly? Limnic Eruption.

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How many guys does it take to change a light bulb? Probably just one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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