What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Chuck Noris

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Roses are red Violets are blue I picked them in the meadow this morning

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A cat jumped out of a tree. It died.

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What is matt dalys favorite thing in the world? penis

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing

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*******A CELL JOKE******* Mommy Ribosome and Daddy Mitochondria are watching baby nucleus play around in the cytoplasm, when all the sudden baby nucleus falls down and breaks its cell wall. Mommy ribosome is like freaking out like, "OH NO< WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WE NEED TO TAKE HER TO THE E.R.". Then Daddy Mitochondria says, "The smooth ER or the rough ER???"

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What did the booger say the other booger? "Is he picking on you again"

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A midget walks into a bar. No one cares.

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When your scuba diving why do u jump off backwards beacause if u jump forwards than u witll still be in the boat!!!!!!

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The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of problems with money and she was looking forward to having a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man:"Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor:"You have aids"

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What is funnier than onion gravy? Mushroom gravy.

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Call of Duty is Awesome So is fingering a dead lion with an iron dildo

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A man finds a mysterious lamp on the side of the road. He picks it up, rubs it, and sells the lamp at a pawn shop for $10,000. The man paid off his credit card debt and was happy that he did not have to file for bankruptcy.

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Why did the bones cross the road? They didn't, the dogs ate them.

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Why are you late? Sorry, I would have been here sooner, only I wasn't.

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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An asian is driving a car. He observes the speed limit and uses his turning signals while switching lanes.

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what did the horse say after the man told him to have a good day? nothing, horses dont talk.(:

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how do you stop a bus? shout FOR ALLAH!

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Women's rights

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Why did the student fail his test? Because he has AIDS

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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Fun Fact getting married to your first cousin is legal in CT... bet you thought there was joke coming right about now..........

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slaughter the mussies #EDL

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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