What should you do when a man carrying a stuffed tortoise tries to break into your house? Call the police.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm extremely unstable. And So are you.

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what's worse than a dead baby in the bathtub? if the baby was named Grace.

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What do you call a fat person with no friends? An individual who is over the expected weight of a person their age, who finds themselves disliked by people in their s surroundings, possibly due to their weight problem, but also it may be because of any personality defects they may have, or they simply may prefer to be alone.

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What is worse than running away from a rapist? Getting raped by a rapist.

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Q: What can you never see in the light, but you can in the dark? A: Darkness.

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A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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Knock Knock! Who's there? John Simons. This joke lacks a punchline. Yes, yes it does.

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josh roberts goes to church to take advantage of religiously confused young boys

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: Art.

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What do you call a dragon with no wings? A komodo dragon

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Why did the little boy drown? He was stapled to a whale.

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Q: Do you know what really makes me smile? A: Facial Muscles.

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How does a pirate get to work? His CAAAARRRR! Where does the pirate go after work? The BAAAARRRR! How does the pirate get home from the bar? A taxi. A pirate doesn't drive after consuming alcohol.

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They see me rollin' Up my sleeve for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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Knock knok ! Whos there? Buhu ! Buhu Who? Why are you crying?

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What has four legs and starts with the letter D? A cow.

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I AM SOFA KING WE TOD HEAD - AV

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Me: Ask me if im a penguin friend: are you a penguin? me: no.

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why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent

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My heart is in my hands. Or maybe it's yours. Either way it's mine now. You won't need it anymore.

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What do you get when you have sex with a $10 prostitute? Nothing, she's clean. She may be low-scale, but she'll be damned if she's not careful.

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why does god like Justin Bieber? He can't god doesn't like the devil.

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What do call a limbless man swimming? Dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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