Person 1: "Ask me if I'm a rock." Person 2: "Are you a rock?" Person 1: "No."

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A three and a half foot tall clown walks into a bar, it is quickly learned that he is only 8 years old and is excorted out by security.

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A priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar. They proceed to have an in-depth conversation about interfaith dialogue and no one questions the imam orders of non-alcoholic beverages.

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Your momma is so old that she might die soon!

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A man walks into a bar and says "ow"

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Knock Knock Who's there? the mailman.

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Why doesn't Squidward wear pants? Because he's a pervert

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What is yellow and fluffy? Green fluff, I lied about the yellow part.

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A man walks into a bar The bar now has a hole in it.

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Four blondes are driving to Disney World. When they are in Florida, there is a sign that says "Disney left" Upset, they make a u-turn and go home.

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DON"T READ THIS!

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Your dad is so bald, that a various number of people compliment him on how well shaven his head is.

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Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

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what does the nba stand for? Nothing But Africans

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Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and trampoline? Well, children jump on one to obtain enjoyment, while a pile of dead babies is a sick tragedy.

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A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

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what do you get when you cross do you get when you cross a banana and a monkey? one happy monkey

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Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

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yo mama so fat that when she jumped on her tempurpedic mattress the wine did spill

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How do you make a frog stand still? Shoot it.

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Q: What do you do when you meet someone new? A: You don`t know and expect me to do so? Get a life!

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How do you know this is an Antijoke? Its on anti-joke.com

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Q: Why is the earth round? A: I am Batman.

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Holy crap it's a talking muffin!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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