Why was little Sammy crying? because she had a frog stapled to her forehead

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Why didn't Jimmy go to school? Because Jimmy is a brick wall.

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what did reed read? the most recent anti-joke

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Guess what! what haha u listened to me

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I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!! LOUD NOISES!!!

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock-knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

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What do you call a guy with a bomb strapped to his chest flying a plane? A pilot with a bomb strapped to his chest

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Roes are red Violets are blue I felt silly for writing this Because violets are violet.

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? His health was dwindling ever since he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer several years ago and this looked like the end.

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Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'

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The knocking didn’t cease. It grew harder as the voice grew louder. “Let me in! Let me in! LET ME IN!” The knocking grew so fierce it could have shattered the door. Tears leaked from her eyes. “What do I do,” she thought “should I open the door?” The knocking was more than she could bear. “I know you’re in there, Kat.” it said. Her stomach twisted, her breath caught in her throat, and tears now streamed down her face. “Go away!” she shouted finally. “Let me in!” it screamed in response. “Leave me alone!” she cried. The voice and the knocking echoed in her head, making her more nauseous than before. Reaching for the lock hesitantly, she sucked up her tears and held her breath, unlocking the door and throwing it open. Nothing was there. The tree stood in the yard unmoving, no wind. Nothing. She shut the door, shaking in fear. With the click of the lock, the room grew cold. Goose-bumps covered her skin. “Thank you for letting me in.” a voice whispered behind her.

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What's black and hangs from a rope on a tree in my backyard? A tire swing.

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So a man was walking down the street with bananas in his ears when he saw one of his friends coming the other way. When they met up the one friend asked, "Hey you know you've got bananas in your ears?" To which the man replied "What? I can't hear you, I have bananas in my ears."

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Three women are sent to heaven. Theres a blond , brunette , and a redhead. There are 100 steps to heaven and on every step god tells you a joke and you cant laugh. The redhead makes it to step 23 then laughs. The brunette makes it to step 67 then laughs. Finally the blond make it all the way to the 100th step and before god can tell the joke she laughs. God asks why are u laughing? And the blond says " i just got the 1st one"!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chicken brains are not as large or developed as human brains, therefore preventing the chicken from making a logical decision, leading to it crossing a road with heavy traffic and eventually being run over by a semi.

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I tried to call my friend in Haiti. It went straight to vibrate.....

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A group of Germans eagerly await the FIFA football rankings. England is fourth.

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Your mom is so fat that she is at risk for type two diabetes.

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yo mama so fat she has diabetes.

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Two men walk into a bar. You think the second man would have seen it.

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Why did the boy throw butter out the window? Because he had uncontrollable muscle spasms.

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What is the same between a turtle and an eagle? They both fly, apart from the turtle.

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What was the pirate movie rated? Pg-13

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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