A horse walks into a bar, it gets a concussion. -mattobrado

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: What did William Wallace say to Beyonce after Taylor Swift's performance? A: Nothing, because William Wallace has been dead for some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Where does a homeless person live? No where

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Shoes, socks, and mittens.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. Everyone is amazed because he can now walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He had heard from a mutual friend that his ex-girlfriend, who he had recently broken up with, would be present at the same party and to avoid an awkward encounter he chose not to go.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Knock-Knock. Who's there? The person knocking at your door.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

An Irishman walked out of a bar. A Frenchman was polite. An Englishman had beautiful teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why am I losing my time writing this joke even knowing that I will get lots of thumbs down?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Who has the biggest cock A rooster

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why do vampires suck the blood of their victims? Because blood is very nutritious and provides more iron for heamoglobin.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

I was in the middle of downloading a porno of two hot girls getting it on, my computer got a virus and crashed.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Why did the little boy fall off the swing? He had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Why are so many children obese? Because they eat to much and they are not physically active enough

thumb_up thumb_down -130

A man walks into a bar and asks "Where is your bathroom?" He is directed towards the restroom, where he then covers himself in toilet paper and calls himself a moose.

thumb_up thumb_down -150

What do Micheal Jackson and Niel Armstrong have in common? Armstrong did the earthwalk on the moon and Jackson F#$%ed little boys in the butt.

thumb_up thumb_down +137

What do you call a black man that goes to college? A student..

thumb_up thumb_down +45

An elephant and a llama walk into a bar. Realizing that they must have broken out of the local zoo, all of the people run out of the bar screaming.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had an appointment with his hair stylist. Just kidding chicken don't have hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I believe that as long as we do not change, as we decide to believe in ourselves and use our strength and potential, all that is left, is to see which side fate favors. Maybe we are meant to survive trough our strength and belief in ourselves and each other, or maybe we are, or will eventually end up as the last people of our kind, and fade away from life, proving that those that trust in the corrupt, where better than us. Suddenly I feel so alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did Uncle Monty shove his head up a horses arse? Because it gave Doris an erection. She chose to keep her male genital organs following her gender changing procedure, so that she could still father children.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops