What does a baby sound like when put in the microwave? I don't know, I was masturbating.

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What did the man say to his wife? We are both men. Apart from you.

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Ask me if I am a tree Are you a tree? No.

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What did the headless man say? Nothing. The man can't speak because he doesn't have a head.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the dog, which also fell out of the tree.

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A baby walks into a bar, the whole bar applaudes for the baby boy who just took his first steps.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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What did the senile man say to the kids on his lawn? Tree dance the gator thong for my nipples.

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Friends are like snow: If you piss on them, they disappear.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they get into the Batmobile? -Come on Robin, get into the Batmobile!

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It's a bird! No it's a plane! No you idiots, it's only a cloud.

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I am darkness, soon I shall rule the world, those of you that desire to serve me thumb this up, those of you that desire eternal fear beyond your imagination, thumb me down. Moral: Try thinking of me and thinking "he is crazy", in order to unlock the secrets behind spontaneous human combustion.

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Wanna hear a joke? Womens' rights

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Why am I losing my time writing this joke even knowing that I will get lots of thumbs down?

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When there's something weird in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police.

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Why cant the white man dunk? Because he lost his legs in a horrible car accident

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How many rednecks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three.

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What's the difference between dead babies and ferraris? I don't have 17 ferraris in my garage.

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why did the lady take anti depressants? because she was depressed

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The man who killed hitler must have ben a swell dude a.w. j.p.

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What's better than ice cream? Anal sex

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Where was Sally when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.

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Why did child's mom cry when he was born? The child had no head.

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whats black and looks like a bucket a black bucket

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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