a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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What did the dog say to the mouse? Cat

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What did the polar bear say when he walked into a sauna? Absolutely nothing because he was a polar bear. I mean seriously, did I even have to ask? Everyone should know that a polar bear is an animal and he wouldn't say anything. If he did it would most likely be a growl or a roar. If you believed that he would have said something you obviously didn't pass the first grade. I finish with the fact that a polar bear would not survive in a sauna because they are accustomed to cold clima I guess this was just a waste of time.

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If you like this song so much why don't you marry it? Because a divorce would be tough on the kids

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Hey you wanna hear a joke? Sure! Well first, do you want part of my sandwich? No thanks.........Are you going to tell your joke? Joke? Um sure. I didn't know I was telling one. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's. Would you like part of my sandwich?

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Knock knock! Who's there? The police, your entire family has died in a terrible car accident.

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What do you call a blonde with big breasts? A woman. Some call her "mom".

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What did the mexican say to the black guy? He asked if he needed some drugs. Why? He was a pharmacist.

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Human: "Panda get off that slide! Your a panda, you don't understand gravity!" Panda: g=9.81 m/s squared. Human: Oh, I see, carry on.

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Q: How do you kill an Asian? A: Deprive of calculator or shoot it.

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Q. Why did the woman fall out of the tree? A. Cause she got laid

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How many unicorns does it take to change a light bulb? 17. 11 if its Tuesday.

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Your so fat that you have a 75% chance increase of dying from congenital heart failure.

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A man walks into a bar and says "ow"

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What did the door say to the hand? Please stop caressing me!

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One day a man runs into a bar. He is already drunk and jumps through the window. This is illeagal, so he was arrested, stoned and killed.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Whats bloody and wrinkly? Your nans fanny

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Knock Knock Whos there? It's me Ben. You just told me to come over. We are going jogging aren' we? Oh ya, sorry. I forgot the time. Is it cold out? Ya, it is pretty cold. You should bring a jacket. Ok, let me go get my jacket. Alright, can u grab me a water please? Ya sure. Thankyou.

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What worse than the holocaust? Dries Roelvink!

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How do you give a women more freedom? Shoot her in the face with a shotgun.

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My grandmother always said "slow and steady wins the race."...... She died in a fire

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Roses are red Here's something new Violets are violet NOT F**KING BLUE

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Hey could I ask you a question? Yes Thanks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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