A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Adam said to God, "God, I need a companion." God replied, "OK Adam, but you need to give up a rib." Adam agreed and thus humanity was born.

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why do bananas wear sunscreen? becuase they peel!

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Why didn't the boy get any presents for christmas? There is no Santa Claus.

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How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Hide him under your coat.

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What Happends When Sawdust Gets in your mouth You poop logs

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Why doesn't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's dead

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What did the blind boy get for christmas? harry potter transcribed in braille so he could enjoy such a magical world like the rest of us

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LeBron James hits a game winning three with time running out in the Finals.

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knock knock. who's there thatsron thatsron who thatsron man

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How do you become thinner in a week? Stand in front of a Bulldozer.

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Your mom's so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and foods with nutritional value!!!! Oh burn!!!!

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If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

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What happened when the chicken crossed the road? He was hit by a bus!

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What did Batman say to his parents? Nothing. They're dead. Idiot.

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What's green and fuzzy and would hurt a lot if it fell out of a tree and hit you? A pool table

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What do the pope and an orange have in common? They're both fruits. Except for the pope.

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whats the difference between a mexican and a black person? They have different skin colors.

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Justin Bieber walks into a Gay-Bar. He is then kindly escorted out because he is underage. Also, because the patrons gave him certain looks that brought concern to the heterosexual bartender.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will it be? Sarah Jessica Parker replies, i'll have 4 cosmopolitans for me and my friends.

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Ask me if I am a cat. Are you a cat? No, what kind of stupid question is that?

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Me:I talk to myself to much. Me:Same

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What is a wok? A wok is sumting you twow at wabbits.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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