A duck walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will you have for dinner? The duck says "quack".

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Why did the chicken cross the street? I would rather live in a world a chicken's motives would not be questioned.

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Knock knock Who's there Police

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What do u get when u mix a dinosaur and a lesbian? A-lick-alot-a-puss

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what did the fish say when he was eaten by a shark nothing fish cant talk

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What weights more than a 300 pound man? A 400 pound man.

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why did the little boy put a bandaid on his knee. it doesn't really matter, he has cancer.

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Whats the worst thing about seeing a truck being snapped in half? It was mine

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how do you spend all your money you go buy stuff

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69

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On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me nothing because I'm single

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Gotta go Fast Gotta go Faster Faster Fasterfasterfaster! Moving at the speed of sound I'm the quickest hedgehog around Got ourselves a situation Start getting a new location Without any explanation On top of relaxation! Go- Go- Go- Don't blink Don't think Just Go go go go G-g-g-g-go go! Sonic, he's on the run Sonic, he's number one Sonic, he's coming next so watch out for Sonic X! Gotta go fast, gotta go faster faster faster fasterfasterfaster Go go go go go go go go go! Sooooniiiiic X!!

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Why was Ray Charles always smiling? He was Happy

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Why did the homeless man get a house key cut? He didn't he's homeless.

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What do you call girls that can run faster than me? Virgins

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There were two ducks in a bathtub. One duck says to the other, "Pass me the soap" The other duck replies, "What do i look like, a toaster?"

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Who's black, white and Asian at the same time? A panda.

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how do you get a blonde out of a tree? you politely ask her, then if all else fails call the local fire department

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knock, knock! No answer, they probably can't hear you, use the doorbell.

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If you have 24 hours to live what would u choose to do? I would choose to take stander ised testing b/c it feels like it's forever.

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Jamie stegman is a masive idiot and does not have a life at all he is a tool which is true becuase no one likes him

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Roses are red Violets are blue This poem makes no sense FIRETOE!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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