How do you make a homeless person cry? cut an onion in front of him.

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So, a guy sees a guy, and asks that guy if he's seen a guy who knew this guy who saw this guy who killed this guy, who knew a guy who is Barack Obama's best friend. Oh wait, Barack Obama doesn't have any friends.

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How did the man jumping out of the plane at 33,000 feet survive? Because he had a parachute

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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What makes a catholic priest happier then a visit to the penn state locker room? Introducing Jesus to people and them accepting him as their savior.

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The only time your mother was ever considered "hot" was at her cremation.

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Q. Knock knock A. Who's there Q. DEEZ A. DEEZ who A. DEEZ NUTZ HA GOT EEEEEM

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what's white and sticky? mayonnaise.

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Q: Why are lizards broke? A: Because they run around the desert with no money.

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What is a five letter word that sounds just like trucks? Vroom

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Your mom's so old she sometimes uses outdated racial slurs loudly in public. It can get pretty embarrassing.

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What did the homeless children get for christmas? Hypothermia

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Got tired of McDonalds Jim?

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Whats worse than finding a spider in your shower? Getting repeatedly stabbed in the dick by a rapid chipmunk.

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What do a spoon and a platypus have in common? Nothing.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs. A pharmisict.

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luke moore cant pull it back

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What was Hellen Keller's Dog's name? Kamikaze Go, it was the first Akita Dog in the United States.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

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Quick its the weed hide the cops! ... wait...

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Why did the clown fall off the swing? He got shot.

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The neighbours challenged me to a water fight so I am updating Anti jokes while i let the kettle boil.

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What's the difference between a duck? One of its feet are both the same.

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Lady wanna go out sometime? Im not lesbian girl! Im not a girl... OUCHIE!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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