Roses are Violets, Violets are Roses, I am a dumb ass, The Hobbit.

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Why wasn't the black guy allowed into the bar? Because the bar was closed.

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1st guy: Wanna hear a joke? 2nd guy: Yeah sure. 1st guy: Me too.

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what did the fish say when he was eaten by a shark nothing fish cant talk

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Knock knock Who's there Police

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why did the little boy put a bandaid on his knee. it doesn't really matter, he has cancer.

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What do u get when u mix a dinosaur and a lesbian? A-lick-alot-a-puss

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What weights more than a 300 pound man? A 400 pound man.

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A duck walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will you have for dinner? The duck says "quack".

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What does tupperware and a walrus have in common? they both like a tight seal

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Why did the chicken cross the street? I would rather live in a world a chicken's motives would not be questioned.

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when im sad im feel horny i rape little children -jimmy saville , last words of the diary

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What did the skeleton say to the vampire? Nothing because a skeleton wouldn't have a larynx.

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What did the Jewish man say when he answered the phone? Hello?

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do you know that joke? hmm no.. yaa life!

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Polite say "Hey you, get out of that tree."

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What did the gay guy get at the grocery store? A tub of Häagen-Dazs ice cream because he thought he deserved a treat.

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Q: What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? A: They both have handlebars except for the duck!

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I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and peanut butter in the other, so I turned to him and said "Are you a trifle deaf?" and he said "No, I'm mentally ill."

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whats red and looks like a bucket? a red bucket whats blue and looks like a bucket? a red bucket in disguise

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Gotta go Fast Gotta go Faster Faster Fasterfasterfaster! Moving at the speed of sound I'm the quickest hedgehog around Got ourselves a situation Start getting a new location Without any explanation On top of relaxation! Go- Go- Go- Don't blink Don't think Just Go go go go G-g-g-g-go go! Sonic, he's on the run Sonic, he's number one Sonic, he's coming next so watch out for Sonic X! Gotta go fast, gotta go faster faster faster fasterfasterfaster Go go go go go go go go go! Sooooniiiiic X!!

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Why was Ray Charles always smiling? He was Happy

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A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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