What did the one bagpiper say to the other? Nothing, one cannot speak while playing the bagpipes.

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What's invisible and smells like a carrot? A rabbit's fart.

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Okay, I just really want you to trust me again,

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Two english guys meet at work

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One cold winter day in Russia, a man asked a tree if he was cold. The tree did not reply, and the man became depressed.

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What do you get if you take the head off a Koala and a Wombat and swap them around? A bloody mess and about 4 years in jail.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Me! Hi

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Why was the blonde crying? She had just been raped by a 10-foot praying mantis.

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Whats worse than not coming up with an original anti joke? Nothing.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It wanted to.

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How do you shoot a basketball? With your hands

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What happened to the blond that went to collage? She got her masters degree and became a brain surgeon.

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What did the dog say to the mouse? Cat

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What did the homeless children get for christmas? Hypothermia

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Q: Why are lizards broke? A: Because they run around the desert with no money.

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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So, a guy sees a guy, and asks that guy if he's seen a guy who knew this guy who saw this guy who killed this guy, who knew a guy who is Barack Obama's best friend. Oh wait, Barack Obama doesn't have any friends.

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Why did the blonde walk into the wall? I lied it was nathaniel nugnes

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four little monkeys jumping on the bed... one fell of and bumped his head... mama called the doctor and the doctor said... im calling child protection services.

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Roses are Red Violets are blue I like poo F*** on You By drew bolton

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a man shoots his mother in-law He his charged with murder and will only be eligible for parole in 18 months

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What did the black guy do to the hooker, he took her dead body out of his trunk

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So a horse walks into a bar, animal service is called and after being unable to locate the owner he is put down.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Well babies don't have the strength or coordination to hold a paint brush, so you may need to call some painters.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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