- Anti Joke

How many dead babies fit into a bathtub? 23

There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

YOUIR MAMA IS SO UGLY THAT SHE MIGHT WANT TO LOOK INTO PLASTIC SURGERY TO BETTER HER APPEARENCE

why did the iraqi woman bury her wedding ring in the ground? because it's the only way she could properly pay respect to the death of her husband who recently died in a group suicide bombing.

Q. You know what sucks A. Being an orphan

What has feet but cannot walk? What has a beak but cannot peck? What has wings but cannot fly? A dead bird.

Why is a bulldog so aggressive Because it was raised for dog fights in basements Dog fights aren't right kids, and you should never get involved but if you find yourself in the cage fighting one of the dogs, you should really think about how you got there.

John - hey do you have tickets to see Oasis? Sam - No I bought green day tickets intead John then proceeds to violently masturbate. Sam at first feels uncomfortable, then shits all over John and joins in.

O.J. Simpson. What would you do in that situation?

What's worse then finding a finger in your Chili? Getting Mollested by a Pterodactyl.

A doctor walks out of the delivery room and relieves A nervour father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happyness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with the rest of what he had to relay to the father. Your wife died during the delivery.

In Soviet Russia, it is the largest country in the world. A lot of the parts are uninhabitable though.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

What was the Latino man doing on my laptop? He was my friend and he had asked me first. He was also ordering a computer on amazon for himself.

What did the booger say the other booger? "Is he picking on you again"

Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting Doctor Interru- You have cancer.

what do you call a tall skiny kid with a very big ego autistic.........colby schluter.

There's a bunch of people standing around a retard...why is no one laughing? Its his funeral

What's the difference between a mole and dynamite? - Moles don't explode... unless you fill them with dynamite.

--Knock Knock Who's there? --Banana Banana who? --Knock Knock You just said that --Sorry i have Alzheimer's

Q: Do you know what really makes me smile? A: Facial Muscles.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman.

The Pope

What do you call a dog eating a dead dog? A hungry dog

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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