What is a long boring story that no one will ever want to read? the life of Sarah Palin.

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"Do you live in the United States?", said the man. "no." said the other man, "cool beans", said the woman.

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What did John say to Trojan? Hi Trojan

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How do you silence a barking dog? You rip out its vocal cords.

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Q: Why is my friend gay? A: Because i slept with him.

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Why does Michael j. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses the finest ingredients

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Why did the guy crash his car? Because he didn't want to crash his truck.

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H2O." The second one then says "I'll have some H2O too." Both chemists live as no bartender is irresponsible enough to serve liquid hydrogen peroxide in a public bar.

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why was the boy sad. his father is an alcoholic that beats him daily.

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What did the T-rex say to the elephant? i like bananas

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What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? I agree to the terms of service.

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Roses are red violets are blue if you were number one I"ll pick number two, if you were number two then I'll pick POO!

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What really puts a kick into both my life and the lives of others around me? My leg(s) of which recieves messages from a sophisticated bundle of "wires" in my cranium that enables it to act at all.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This poem makes no sense FIRETOE!!!

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Why did Santa's little helper feel depressed? Neurotransmitters essential for happiness, such as serotonin and norepinephrine, were in rather low supply in the poor elf's brain.

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Three men of different race and religion are on a plane; they enjoy their flight, and two of them have a good meal with no pork. Thirty years later, two of the men share the same flight, but failed to even recognize each other on the first.

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How do you make a baby float? Take your foot of its head.

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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what is worse than a pile of dead babies? there is one alive at the bottom. what is worse than that? it eats its way out.

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If life give you lemons, throw them at people.

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What did one skeleton say to the other? Nothing... Skeletons don't have vocal cords

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How do you kill a retard You give em a kinfe and ask who's special

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The homeless man first experience warmth....in Hell

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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