What do you do when life gives you lemons? Make some fucking lemonade.

What did the young girl say to her step-dad? Nothing. She no longer talks to him after years and years of sexual abuse which left her emotionally scarred.

What happens when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Absolutely nothing. The two belong to entirely different animal families and their reproductive abilities are totally incompatible. A kangaroo could never fertilize an elephant, or vice versa. To suggest anything else is unrealistic and a physical impossibility.

" Hey you have something on your face. " ( man speaking punches the guy he was talking to ) " It was pain."

Knock knok ! Whos there? Buhu ! Buhu Who? Why are you crying?

Have you ever seen Ethiopian food? No, neither have Ethiopians.

want to hear a bird joke? no well, this is hawkward

Adam Turkolowoskiaklfadjufsdjksbgsgsafafdsg

a man walks into a bar, he is injured severely and needs medical attention stat, he is rushed to the hospital where he dies that evening

What do you call a man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk? A man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk.

What do you call a guy and two girls are at the bottom of the ocean? A guy and two girls at the bottom of the ocean.

Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because while he was swinging, his friends dared him to jump off and called him a chicken when he didn't. Still hesitant, he tried to jump off, but his arm caught on the swing chain and he fell face first into the tanbark. He needs reconstructive surgery to repair his face.

What's the difference between a mole and dynamite? - Moles don't explode... unless you fill them with dynamite.

whats the difference between a snail? - both legs are the same lenght, especially the left one.

I Have a Black Friend

How do you make a blonde happy? Do something that causes that person to release endorphins.

- My grand mother died. - I'm sorry.... Did She died of old age ? - No, she got eaten by a giant worm.

What did the booger say the other booger? "Is he picking on you again"

How do you kill half of Mexico? You use nuclear weapons in major cities.

Whats worse than finding a spider in your shower? Getting repeatedly stabbed in the dick by a rapid chipmunk.

a sailor went to his G.P to see if he had HIV turned out he had hepititis C

There's a plane with 5000 bricks in it, one falls out. How many bricks are on the plane now? 4999 How do you get an elephant in the fridge? U open the fridge,put the elephant in and close the fridge. How do you get a deer in the fridge? Open the fridge, take the elephant out and close the fridge. A lion is trowing a party and the whole animal kingdom shows up, what animal isn't there? The deer cause he's still in the fridge. A little old lady is walking threw an alligator and snake invested swamp. *The snakes and alligators eat her (wrong answer) The brick falls on her head

A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn't listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don't drop you pencil!

why did the iraqi woman bury her wedding ring in the ground? because it's the only way she could properly pay respect to the death of her husband who recently died in a group suicide bombing.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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