- Anti Joke

The daring man said "here goes nothing." And nothing happened. -Tag

If you beat Chuck Norris in arm wrestling, you will be proud of yourself and he will go home with nothing.

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen

Why couldn't the boy sing? The boy could sing, but the thick layer of duct tape prevented him from doing so.

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender, millions of times larger than the infinitesimally small subatomic particle, does not hear his question and so does not reply.

A family's house was possessed by ghosts causing them great fear and discomfort. Who are they gonna call? A real estate agent.

How do u get a clown off of a swing? You hit him with an axe.

A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

why did the puppy poop? he had too

What is less sanitary than eating food off of the ground? Anal sex.

What did the apple say to the orange? The apple did not say anything at all because fruits do not possess the ability of speech.

Q: What Would You Call Someone Who is 6 Foot and hairy. Answer: By His Or Her Name.

What's green and has four wheel? A tractor.

Why did the black lady yell? She was being raped.

Why did Suzy fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Suzy.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

Whats worse then getting hit by a truck? Getting hit by a turkey!

how do you get a baby to stop swinging from a fan whack it with a shovel

What did Little Jojo get for Hanukah? Nothing he is Muslim.

Why didn't the baby cry? It was stillborn.

Q. what do you call a black guy? A. N IGGER

I like my women how I like my salad. Without a penis.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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