How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why do women have boobs? So they can feed their newborn children without paying for expensive formula

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Three blondes walk into a bar. I prematurely ejaculate.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Two english guys meet at work

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why is Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven was a creepy movie, and it gave Six nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you get 1000 pokemon on to a bus? Pikachu!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What causes floods? Too much water.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

how do you get a black guy out of a tree? ask himnicely and if he doesn't promptly call the fire department

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the heart attack victim say? Call 911, I'm having chest pains. yeah, your anti-jokes are this funny....

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the cow say right before he was slaughtered and later to be sold? Nothing cows dont talk they can create a sound that most people describe as MOO though.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q.what does the kid scream when he see's a creepy man in a big van pull up? A. ICE CREAM!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You are so ugly that plastic surgery may be an option for you to consider.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

roses are blood violets are veins vampires are crazy and you are insane

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q-What do you call kids who go to school? A- Students.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the house do when it came alive? It went home

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Scenario- A wedding while skydiving. Problem- The groom lost his parachute. Question- Who stole it? Hint- The Maid of Honor didn't have one either, but he had one on his body when he hit the ground. Answer- The mailman, but he died of old age.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why couldn't the basketball player jump anymore? Because he broke his back.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: Ask me how far have you gone with a girl? A: Mexico

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

ati jokes are not to be funny. what about u

thumb_up thumb_down

Why is John gay? Because he enjoys the penis

thumb_up thumb_down

Why are all blondes dumb? They are not all dumb but constant bullying just saying blondes are just pretty gives them that illogical stereo type

thumb_up thumb_down

your mom is so old, she is often confused for your grandmother.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops