What's black and white and red all over? Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Q. You are driving a car. In front of you there is a camion driving at your same speed. Behind you there is a helicopter flying at your same speed at the ground level. On your left there is an ambulance driving at your same speed and on your right there is a ravine. How do you get out from this horrible situation? A. Get off the carousel.

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Where did Susie go after an explosion? Everywhere

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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What's the difference between Izzy and a hobo? Nothing...they both have no job and no friends

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How do you know a thief has been using your computer? It's missing.

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Whats brown,looks like a.dike,and is a whore. Marcella

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Whats gayer than driving a prius Buttsex

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What's black and blue and red all over? I don't know, that's why I was asking you.

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What's green,has 4 legs and lives in a tree? A pool table

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Why is it as hot as the sun? Because it is the sun

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What did the black man say when he ate a Hershey bar? Delicious

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Q: What did the Mexican kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.

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You are so ugly that plastic surgery may be an option for you to consider.

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Terry Stockton wasn't really hit.

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Roses are red, But ravens are black, please go to China, and never come back!

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Hey, why are asians yellow and africans brown? I'm colorblind.

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Why did the British person go to the dentist? He had a poor diet which led to him getting cavities

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What's larger than a grandmother clock? Plenty of things.

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a dog walks into a drug store and orders a bone. what does the cashier do? she wakes up.

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A man walks into a crowded bar and orders a beer. The bartender doesn't hear him due to the background noise of everyone talking and the man has to repeat his order.

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That awkward moment when you walk in on your economics teacher shagging Danii ... Anyone ?

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What's stronger than then the love of a mother and her child? A semi-truck

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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