Not an anti-joke, but an anti-pick-up-line: How much does a polar bear weight? Not as much as you!

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Roses are red Bacon is too Rhyming is hard bacon

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are due to transportation issues. (What if there are no replacement light bulbs in the house, and the nearest store was 10 miles away? It would be ridiculous to expect someone to walk twenty miles to replace a light bulb) In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why was Sally crying She got a high five In the face With a chair

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Unless you're paralyzed.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Don't you hate it when your reading a sentence and it doesn't end how you testicles.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says "I wont serve you." The black man says, "Why? Is it because of the color of my skin?" The bartender says, "No, its because your wearing a suit and on the front door it says no people in suits are allowed." So the black man took off his suit and was kindly served.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you a call a guy on steroids? A Body Builder

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why did the little girl fail her test? Because she had mental retardation.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What did the pimp do to his bitch? He thanked her and rewarded her for her years of dedication and preserverance

thumb_up thumb_down +37

If the red house is made out of red bricks, the yellow house is made out of yellow bricks, and the blue house is made out of blue bricks, what is the greenhouse made of? Ah, I see what you did there. You are expecting me to follow the sequence based on how each house is made out of bricks the same color as their title. However, I am one step ahead of you and I know that the greenhouse is made out of glass panels. But what if it were made out of green glass panels? Then, I suppose, the sequence could continue naturally yet we still have a problem of units - bricks vs. glass. Quite the dilemma we are facing.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I can't see my forehead

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How do you make a builder sad? You shit on his bricks.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A black man and a mexican jump from a tree. Who hits the ground first? The mexican. The black man had a rope tied around his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idear.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What is it called when a Native American Indian man smacks a woman in the face for cheating on him? In police code it's called a "273D Domestic violence - Felony" most likely involving an insecure man with control problems simply adding to the stereotype that Native American's are drunk, abusive and domestically violent people.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Woman Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Two muffins are in an oven. The oven is set to 425 degrees farenheit. The two muffins are taken out of the oven once cooked, and enjoyed by the couple who cooked them.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Bill: Whats 2 + 2? Joe: Your mom

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the cow have a pain in his stomach. It has testicular cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

your mom is so old. she can legally get a senior discount

thumb_up thumb_down +33

what happened to the boy that walked down the street he got hit by a falling street light

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops