- Anti Joke

Q: Why cant dinosaurs talk A: Because they are dead.

What did the teacher say to the pupil who was bad at maths? You are bad at maths and will never complete any sum EVER!

What's worse than your dad being hit by a car? Your family being hit by a bus.

You know what's better than a taco? A better taco.

What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Wheres my tractor?

whats the difference between jimmy saville and a horse? jimmy has a bigger cock

Why do women wear deodorant and makeup? Because they're ugly and they stink.

Why can't a black guy be the King of England? He's not in line for it.

Women's rights

What's big, blue, and eats rocks? A big blue rock eater.

Why did the yeti make an omlette? To practise making omlettes.

a man i knew who was a real jerk was about to drive home drunk. i was trying to stop him, but then he punched me in the face. i let him through. he died that night. i texted him all the way

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead

You forgot to tell her that I can sense how you are doing and feeling based on how you phrase the words, how quickly you type, spacing, and lots of stuff I do not remember but can still make use off. Listen, I am alive and well compared to what I have been other times, the best thing about my grotesque childhood, is that it makes everything else, including this seem like nothing in comparison, nothing compares its as simple as that. Hey, speaking of simple, I want the new Street Figher game, and I want you to play if for me tomorrow, ill just tell you what to push or possess you or something else not possible, then we will both be calm like I am now, just like when we played Metal Gear, I tell you what to do, and you kinda suck and mess up because I am horrible at giving instructions okay? You know, I can see the sea from here, its really calming, it will also help you calm down as well, lets say I was in a casket, got out of it, and am recovering now, and you can be on your way now in about now unless my guys crashed in mid air, which is stupid, and stop staring at the screen like that, you should go watch television or something, distract yourself for the time being. Ill have to sleep now, speaking of knowing my limits, I might be taking permanent damage here, and while that is fine, I cant let it progress, I cant afford to go insane now that I have proven to many and most importantly myself that I am not. Remember when we watched flipper together? Skippy the Kangaroo? Mind breaking out those old video tapes? Id love watching them with you again... As for the videogames screw that, it was just something I said just like the sea, the game between you and me screwing up in order to "possess you", and then the sea so you would calm down like when you discovered you where really good at swimming once the fear of water got away. I wont lie you got that fear because I am a hydrophobe, young people end up mimicking the fear of one another, but thats over, I shower without getting blemishes now remember? I am no longer convinced my mother is laughing at me when the water gets cold either, I overcame that. Okay, wake up, just know I did not "possess you" I just "linked our emotions together by portraying a scenario we both know and enjoy doing together, I hope its okay I do not explain anymore, with zopiclone in the system, I can barely think at all. But let me know if you need more help. Say whats on your mind, ill read it all, but I cant answer, I am not taking any damage, I assure you that was just part of a hypnotic process, its "the link" I pretend like I am worried so you will know we are both worried and enter the same state, from then on I change it. I know you fear hypnosis and what it can do, but I hope you still trust me.

Whats worse then getting caught in the rain with no umbrella? Aids.

If you give a homeless man a fish he eats for the night, if you teach him to fish then he probably won't be able to feed himself anyway, he is too poor to afford a pole.

If I had 10 cents for every time a hobo asked for change i still wouldn't give him any money

Q: WHY DID GOD MAKE ASIANS? A: NO FREIKEN IDEA

do you like walffles?Yes I like walffles!

What's worse than an explosion? A nuclear explosion.

2 out of 4 questions. How do you get an elephant in a fridge? Open it, take the girrafe out, put the elephant in, and close it.

Two people went to a planetarium to see a movie about the solar system. They came out smarter than when they had first walked in.

hi

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops