Why was the kindergarten teacher crying? a child had just choked to death

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Why did the cat fall out of the tree? Cause the branch broke. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? Cause it was stapled to the cat.

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John - hey do you have tickets to see Oasis? Sam - No I bought green day tickets intead John then proceeds to violently masturbate. Sam at first feels uncomfortable, then shits all over John and joins in.

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What do you get when you cross sodium citrate, citric acid, benzyl alcohol, monoethanolamine, sodium benzoate, gylcol disterate, FD&C Yellow #5, ammonium lauryl sulfate, methylisothiazolinone, fragrances/perfumes, FD&C Blue #1, sodium chloride, zinc pyrithione, methylchloroisothiazolinone, ammonium xylenesulfonate, ammonium laureth sulfate, cetyl alcohol, cocamide, guar hydropropyltrimonium chloride, 1-Decene, homopolymer, hydrogenated, trimethylolpropane tricaprylate and water? Head & Shoulders Dandruff Shampoo for Fine-Oily Hair

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James: They say attitudes are contagious. Bill: How do you know? James: My whole family caught it and they will all die within 2 weeks.

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If life gives you lemons ask where they came from.

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why did sally fall off the swing? because she had no arms. knock knock? who's there? not sally.

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religion.

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Why did the guy with alzheimer's say to his wife? He can't remember.

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Whats fleash color flesh color and fleash color? a hodo rolling down a hill.

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have you tasted chocolate flavoured slurpee? no. i haven't either

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Holy fuckfarts! I did mention I am at my mothers place right? What am I saying? What am I typing? Marry me now!

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Hitler said "Jew mad?" I did nazi that coming !

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What did the officer say to the black man? You're under arrest.

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Why did the cat have hair? Because he did.

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a man got hit by a truck in brooklyn, JK he got shot, he was in brooklyn, Duh, he stumbled out in to traffic afterwards

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A midget walks into a bar. No one cares.

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Why did the student fail his test? Because he has AIDS

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How do you get 100 Jews into a car? ...Nevermind, it wouldn't work.

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How many penises is one metric butt-load. Oh God I hope you don't know the answer.

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If life gives you lemons, get some seeds from them and plant them. Then in a few years you'll have a lemon tree. Then take some lemons off that tree and throw them at people saying "Here's your stupid lemons, people".

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What did one homo say to the other? Well, the politically correct term is homosexual, and he didn't say anything because they've never met.

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What did the table say to the human? Nothing, tables don't talk.

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who touched the priests sticky hand? Jake Duncan

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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