Why can't George Washington drive? Because he died!

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? -death -kidney failure -gall stones -getting in an automobile accident -getting struck by lightning -getting sodomized -embezzlement -deception -HIV/AIDS -illness of any nature -world hunger -the holocaust -Zimbabwe's economy -getting hit by a train -getting hit by a bus -the hives -getting bit by an alligator -head injuries -being arrested -childhood obesity -sexual predators -highly impoverished areas -losing a finger -getting hit with a bat -corruption -general rudeness -being lost in the woods -contracting a sexually transmitted virus -teen pregnancy -murder -rape -robbery -going blind -losing a child -falling down a well -bestiality -identity fraud -massacres -racism -genocide -mental disabilities in children -bullying -food poisoning -stepping on a nail -eugenics -the mass murder, rape, and theft of the land from the Native people of America -forced assimilation -slavery -brain deteriorating illness -matricide -prostitution - accidentally repeating yourself -prostitution -domestic violence -animal cruelty -pollution -deforestation -global warming -losing your life savings -still birth -oppressive leaders -physical conflicts -world wars and other military conflict -the situation in Rwanda -Inequality in treatment of women in middle eastern countries -auto theft -tax evasion -terrorism -being diagnosed with cancer -clinical depression -prostitution -finding two worms in your apple

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What happens when you stab yourself in the heart? You die.

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How do you get a women stop running a marathon? You tell her that you have AIDS and she should get herself checked.

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What is grey and smells like sand? A Rock.

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Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven was a terrorist.

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they say that if you commit suicide, you have done nothing wrong. does that mean hitler did nothing wrong?

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A white guy, a hispanic guy, and asian, a black guy, a philipiean guy, and a wait what am i doing?

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soccor

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If you and Chuck Norris have five dollars you both have the same amount of money.

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whats white and lives in a tree a fridge

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy i suck at rhyming door knob

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Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The two ships suffered major damageand sank, killing over 100 people. The families of the passengers mourned their loss.

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What's neon green and has 69 legs? Nothing that I know of, but it would be an interesting creature

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What is dangerous when eaten? My grandmother's cooking?

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Why did Patrick cross the road Because he saw a rock

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Q: what did 7 say to 11? A: weres every one else?

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hey

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Life is an elephant, get married.

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Whats the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? Ones fun to jump on, the others just a trampoline.

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How do you say "Hello" in India? 1. Get a plane ticket and fly to India 2. Say Hello in India

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What do you call a man named Jimmy? Jimmy

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. False. Violets are violet

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How do you kill two birds with one stone. You don't its not humanly possible because birds cannot be killed with rocks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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