A man walks into a pet store. He then says "This isn't the bar" and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the teacher yell at her students? The class was acting completely inappropriate and she felt it was necessary to discipline them so the current situation won’t repeat its self.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than shoveling dead babies??? Using a pitchfork...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

"I like my women like I like my spare tires, in the trunk of my car." -Paul Alangadan

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why can't Billy ride a bike? Because he's a fish

thumb_up thumb_down +3

h

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the samurai commit Sepuku? Because it is an honorable Japanese tradition.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you get 2000 people to go to heaven? Blow up a school.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

See now that is confident and down to earth, reasonable, and all the etc etc`s, so what would you like me to fill them in with? Joking aside, you are smart, funny, you take a beating (sorry that`s today`s new low point, I have never hit a woman and never will, sure I punched down the GigaLesb when she lifted me up and my spine started making cracking noises, but that does not technically count as a woman). You are sweet, you are cute, you are funny, you are hot hot hot (hattrick see?), and yeah yeah if you want me to prove to people here that we know each other, sure, I met you once like 15 years ago? You kinda adored me, I could not take my eyes of yours (oh yeah, you got adorable eyes sure), and... You got huge breasts (Tits are more like those hanging you know what I mean) Sigh sometimes a boy wonders what he is doing with his life, he falls for the strangest girls... ...AND THEN SAID BOY FINDS HIMSELF BROKEN IN TWINE BY ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

when your cable is on the fritz, you play video games instead. when you play video games, you get good. when you get good, you go to COD XP. when you go to COD XP, you lose to whiteboy 7th st. when you lose to whiteboy 7th st., you get into Skyrim. when you get into skyrim, you reenact cut scenes from skyrim. and when you reenact cut scenes from skyrim... ...you take an arrow to the knee... ...don't take an arrow to the knee. Get rid of cable.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A white man and a black man enter a public toilet. They both start to pee, and the white man looks over to the black man. He is dissappointed to find that the blackman's penis is not large according to stereotype, and then feels embaraased at his latent homosexuality. They both leave, never seeing eachother again. The white man cries himself to sleep that night. 'I've been hiding too long' he thinks.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is worse than something terrible happening to you? That same thing happening to me of course... Duh...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Tom and Phill are eating ice cream Tom challenges Phill to a contest to see who can eat their ice cream in one bite Tom finishes his in two bites Phil in one Then he looks like he got a brain freeze Tom notices and says "You idiot: you got brain freeze!" Phill turns around and says "No, I have a brain tumor."

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did one ocean say to the other ocean, nothing it just waved

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Your mom's so old she sometimes uses outdated racial slurs loudly in public. It can get pretty embarrassing.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A farmer had a horse that he rode frequently. He would talk to the horse and tell it it was his closest companion. One day the farmer noticed that the horse was walking funny. So he shot it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did Hitler commit suicide? He looked at his gas bill.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why does the groom wear a black tux? Because he knows a funeral when he sees one.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the one horse say to the other. Nothing because horses can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: Why didn't the mexican get into the bathtub? A: He was already clean

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the train crash? Because the conductor was a cucumber.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

"Have you ever seen a blacksmith?" "No." "Me neither."

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was there a black guy in the back of a police car? He was caught stealing

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Proof reading

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops