Why couldn't the young pirate get in to the movie? Because he wasn't old enough.

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Why did the fat guy sit on another guy? They were in a wrestling match.

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There was a cat, an astronaut and a nun. The cat was sleeping, the astronaut was floating, and the nun was praying. There was a singer, a dancer and an actor. The singer was singing, the dancer was dancing, and the actor was acting.

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What's something 9/10 people enjoy? A gang rape.

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Salad. It's green and so is The Hulk.

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Whats brown and sticky? A peice of poo

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Q: What do you call a ginger with no soul? A: Common

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because the walk sign said to

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why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead.

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hipsters

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Why did the woman fall off the skateboard? She hit a rock.

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Police Report: A 100 year old man was beaten to death on his centennial birthday. Sources claim to say he was "getting his birthday punches"

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I used to make jokes about taking arrows to the knee then i beat the game

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Why does Jeremy Kyle love his job? Because he gets to make idiots look like bigger idiots.

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Why did the girl get hit by the bus. Because she was Helen Keller

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a shark in your apple.

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What do you call a black man eating fried chicken? By his name, which could be John, considering the popularity of said name.

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A girl dropped her pencil while sitting next to her bf... She glanced at his phone while he was texting a message that said "I love you"... The girl jumped up and called him every name she could think of and left the room... The message was to his mother! She didn't listen and left him... He killed himself because she left him... She killed herself because he killed himself... Moral of the story: Don't drop you pencil!

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

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Q: What happened when Bob the Super-mega-ultra man, in his hurry to return an item that was objectively proven to be hazardous to physically normal people, banged his head very hard against a wall of a random building that was located on his route of travel? A: He recieved a concussion and had to coalesce in bed for a long time in order to return back to his regular style of living. Bob was merely a nominal 'Super-mega-ultra' man. He gets hurt practically as easily as anyone else.

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What did the guy say to the other guy? LOOK AT MY EYEBROWS!!!!!!!

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Jupiter is the Galaxys biggest planet!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chicken brains are not as large or developed as human brains, therefore preventing the chicken from making a logical decision, leading to it crossing a road with heavy traffic and eventually being run over by a semi.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops