No, luke. I am your father. damnit

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How does one peel a potato? First I would suggest going to your local grocery store, and purchasing a vegetable peeler (although, in fact, the potato is not considered a vegetable). Once at home, I recommend disinfecting it of germs. Unless you already own a vegetable peeler, in which case I would simply peel the potato as every normal human would.

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Jesus Christ walks into a bar and the bartender says "Holy crap it's Jesus!" and everyone quickly updates their Facebooks.

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united we sit, cause we're fat

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Why did the man fall from the sky? Because he was dead.

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"Do you wanna hear a funny joke?" Yeah, Sure! "A funny joke."

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A man and a dog were sitting on a hill, the dog says to the man "Nice weather we are having today isn't it?" The man then goes insane because dogs can't talk, then later commits suicide from depression caused by his wife leaving him.

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Cat got your tongue? Punch it in the face, and retrieve your tongue.

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Dylan Hodge likes to lick his mums penis to sleep every night.

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Snausages.

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What's worse then a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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I have a sandwich and chips for lunch! But instead of a sandwich I have macaroni, and instead of chips I have no friends.

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how do you save a black guy from drowning. with a life preserver.

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Why was little billy sad? He had a crouton stuck up his asshole.

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Steve: Hey ask me if Im a Pelican. Bob: Are you a pelican? Steve: YES.

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Why did the guy throw a clock out his window? Because he was mentally unstable and needs help.

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What's the difference between a freezer and a baby? A freezer doesn't scream when I pack my meat into it.

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U know what they say about big shoes? Big socks

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What did one prisoner on death row say to the other? Can you please clean off the seat when you're done? I'd like to die in my own urine.

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knock knock Who's there? because 7 ate 9

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Why did the Filipino hate internet advertising? Because navigating around a webpage with pestering visual and audible promotions often proves cumbersome and distracting from the task at hand.

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Whats the differance between a lawnmower and a sack of dead babies? I dont have a lawnmower in my garage

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How do you get a blonde to break a nail? Smash her finger with a wrench.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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