why didn't your dog come home last cause he died

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What is pretty, has big tits, talks like a guy, and has a dick? Your mom giving me a handjob.

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ask me if im a house are you a house? no

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Q: what animal didnt get on Noah's ark in pairs? A: worms. they got on in apples.

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Cavan keely's the type of guy who drives past hilltown screaming GET IT THE VAN!!

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As little Timmy crossed the finish line his heart raced with excitement he had just won the big race. Later he and his family went home to celebrate they had pizza and chips and soft drinks. Then they played scrabble and watched spiderman 2. After that Timmy went to sleep. When his parents found him that morning they mourned and mourned because their hero little Timmy was still asleep.

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Whats fuzzy and greenand if it falls from a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

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a black guy a chinese guy a jewish guy and a gay guy are standing on a ledge. they are all ready to jump off and commit suicide. suddenly a basketball falls from the sky. the black guy is like oh shit that my bball. he cant resist, he jumps off the ledge, grabs the ball, spins in mid air, and shoots it through the window that they came out of. then he falls to his death. the other three guys are questioning whether they wanna actually kill themselves when all of a sudden a jiggly dildo flies past. the gay guy sees it, and he needs it in his butthole. he jumps off, grabs the dildo, shoves it in his ass, and falls to his death. the chinese and the jew are the last alive. they decide that they dont want to die and they start crawling back towards the window. then out of nowhere, two quarters and a nickel shoot up from the ground, right in front of them. the jew needs them. he jumps off the ledge and pockets the change. then he falls to his death. the chinese guy is the last one alive. he jumps off and falls to his death.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family!

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What do you do when you see Godzilla? You offer him ice cream.

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How do you keep a secret? Kill yourself.

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Who was the first person Steven Hawking runs up to when he finds out something new about science? He is in a wheelchair due to a condition called ASL, therefore he cannot "run"

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Pen. Pen who? Pen is blue.

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What's the difference between a cat and a dog? Dogs taste better in stews.

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Q: What comes first the chicken or the egg? A: Pineapple.

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A woman fell victim to nasty car accident. Her injuries were very grave. The doctors warned her family that she had two hours to live. She died two hours later.

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What's green and has wheels? PAIN!!! I lied about the green and the wheels.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it noticed that there may be foodstuffs on other side.

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what do you get when you cross an African with a Rhinoceros? A rhinoceros.

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How do you get a dog off of your roof? Shoot it.

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whats the difference between a dog and a cat? ones a dog.

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Why did the cat explode on the street? Cause i put a grenade in a fridge and then threw it at it.

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You have been brought down to hell where you are welcomed by satan. "Welcome to hell, where you watch your loved ones get tortured for all eternity" Satan said "Where is everyone? " you ask "Hmmm, I guess you were never really loved"He replied

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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