SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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Single man, interested in women. Profession: Particle Physicist. Looking for: A strong interaction with a strange, charming woman. One who will ride both up and down the roller-coaster of a relationship, that is not fussy about being top or bottom and that is not impartial to the many flavours of life. I look forward to you spinning me around; Yours Sub-atomically, Professor Quark.

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A man walks into a bar.....he then slips on an ice-cube and suffers massive trauma due to the fall. The owner is sued by the mans family and subsequently loses his business. He can no longer provide for his family. His wife is two weeks away from giving birth to their third child.

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Q: What do you do when your friend tells you he murdered someone? A: Call the police.

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Womens rights

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Why did the guy with alzheimer's say to his wife? He can't remember.

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How did the suicide bomber die? Cancer.

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how long does it take a black woman to shit? 3 to 5 minutes depending on the food she ingested earlier that day

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pretend its saturday.... what is the square root of 9? who cares? everyone knows that you don't do math on saturday.

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Q; Why to did the chef jump off of a cliff wearing an Elmo suit? A; Because he felt like it. It;s a free country

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

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Why didn't peyton manning's grand mom call him after his game? She died of throat cancer 5 years ago

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have amnesia ...where am I

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How many spiders dose it take to cover a wall? Four, if they are 7 feet tall

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A dyslexic boy is writing an essay. Luckily, his disease is mild and he does not misspell anything.

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What did the horse say to the other horse? Neigh

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What is the biggest lie in the entire universe? I agree to the terms of service.

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What did the guy say to the other guy? LOOK AT MY EYEBROWS!!!!!!!

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What is black at the bottom, and white at the top? Society.

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patty was in sunday school, the teacher asked her "patty who created the universe?" john sliped into the seat next to her and jabbed her with a pen "LORD ALMIGHTY" the teacher said' good patty now who gave himself for us? john again jabbed her with a pin "JESUS CHRIST" "that very good patty now what did mary say to joseph after they had their 23 child?" john jabbed her " IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME ILL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!" the teacher fainted

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Yo momma's so fat she is now a sponsor for Jenny Craig after joining the program and loosing almost a 100 pounds. So I suppose she isn't too fat anymore.

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What's the difference of 13 and 4? 9

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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