An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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Why did the koala bear fall outta the tree? He died. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?? He was stapled to the first koala. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?? He had no arms. Why did the fourth koala fall out of the tree?? He thought it was a race to the bottom. Why did the fifth koala fall out of the tree?? Peer Pressure.

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Think about it: Is mexico REALLY full of: Lowrides in candy ass sparkly colors such as lip red that bounce, (manly color right? Yeah sure baggot) which contains a whole street war gang of members inside and at least twenty tons of COCAINA! ...But does not have a horn that plays "la cucaracha" Seriously, you say yes right? Hey look at this guy he said yes everybody, but ITS WROOOOOOONG CUCARACHA OR GTFO OF MEXICO! Yeah... Because Mexico is shit, id would be racist if Mexicans didn't agree...

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Nobody doesn't like Sarah Lee. There are no humans, at all, anywhere in the world, who do not like Sarah Lee. None. Not even one. They do not exist in reality. Everyone likes Sarah Lee. Everyone.

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How did the chicken get to the other side? He didnt, he got ran over.

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What did the homeless man get for his birthday. Nothing. Get it: He lived a life along with a giant family and on christmas eve 2012 he broke his kneecap and was in the E.R. He got out of the hospital on christmas only to come home to find a burning house; his house. Every member in his family died except for him as they were all in the house when it caught on fire. The house completely burnt and crumbled, and that is why he is homeless.

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roses are red violets are blue ur family is dead and u will die too

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What number comes after 29? 30.

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Have you heard the one about the Norwegian? He killed 98 people.

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Why couldn't the blonde screw in the light bulb?? - she happened to be autistic

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Can you guess the following words? Boo*s s*x *orn g*y cu*t b*tch Answers: Books, six, horn, guy, cult, batch.

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Did you hear about the cannibal who had a wife and ate kids?

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Knock Knock Who's There Santa Santa Who? I stole your dog.

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What do the holocaust and 9/11 have in common? They were both terrible tragedies that people will look back upon in sadness for years.

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12 sea cows waddle into a bar... Yea, I bet, you'd like to hear the end of that one.

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-if you're American in the kitchen, British in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? -in the bathroom.

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas

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What happens when you stab yourself in the heart? You die.

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That awkward when you adimaticlly read "moment in your head because you have seen too many of these awkward moment jokes.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nofin Eejit.

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Why did the baby fall off of the swing? Because he had no arms.

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Why did the cat cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

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If your South American in the kitchen, what are you in the bathroom? European ( your a pee an)

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What's the difference between a box of dead babies and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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