Why did the man name his son David? He didn't. It was his wife's choice.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear made her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

The red guy lives in the red house, the green guy lives in the green house, and the blue guy lives in the blue house. Who lives in the white house? The purple guy, he just hasn't painted his house yet.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What happened to Emma? I raped her!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the bird fall. Its tree got cut down.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Whats white and sticky? Rotten milk.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a man or woman who has sex, records it on video, and sells the recordings for money? A porn star.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Man walks in the bar then buys a drink

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why couldnt the boy get into the pirate movie? he was hit by a mexican telephone server.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

One day I was hungry. I ate. I wasn't hungry anymore. Penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: How do you kill an Asian? A: Deprive of calculator or shoot it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the monkey say to dog Foreskin

thumb_up thumb_down +7

yo mama is so dumb she went to dr. dre for a pepsmear

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a bar and orders an alcoholic beverage. The bartender serves him and inquires about the man's day. The man says nothing, drinks his beverage, pays his tab and walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the boat salesman cry? Because a puppet killed his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

See now that is confident and down to earth, reasonable, and all the etc etc`s, so what would you like me to fill them in with? Joking aside, you are smart, funny, you take a beating (sorry that`s today`s new low point, I have never hit a woman and never will, sure I punched down the GigaLesb when she lifted me up and my spine started making cracking noises, but that does not technically count as a woman). You are sweet, you are cute, you are funny, you are hot hot hot (hattrick see?), and yeah yeah if you want me to prove to people here that we know each other, sure, I met you once like 15 years ago? You kinda adored me, I could not take my eyes of yours (oh yeah, you got adorable eyes sure), and... You got huge breasts (Tits are more like those hanging you know what I mean) Sigh sometimes a boy wonders what he is doing with his life, he falls for the strangest girls... ...AND THEN SAID BOY FINDS HIMSELF BROKEN IN TWINE BY ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did God say to the snake when the Snake decided to ignore God and just give Eve the apples? Snake what are you doing? Answer me, SNAKE! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! *DUN DUN DURUDUN! DU DU DUN! *gunshot* Moral: I just hate thumbs ups, and the comments where I omit this receives those horrible green thumbs instead of them sexy red ones, so there goes.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than loosing your pen? Getting raped by a pedophile.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's funnier than an knock knock joke???? Dancing narwhals pooping talking soup

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call it when a black man and a japanese woman get married? A wedding.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is funnier then 25 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A dog is walking down the street. The dog catcher promptly arrives and takes him to the pound. Two months later the dog is in a new, happy home with a wonderful family.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

how do you make a plummer cry? you kill his family

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops